


Your Shadow Running Round

by harrystanslouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe-Famous/Non-Famous, Famous Harry, Fluff and Angst, Gemma's boyfriend is mentioned, Happy Ending, Harry's family is there, I suck at tags, Lottie is mentioned, M/M, Niall's fed up with their shit, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Pining, Sorry if I missed anything, Teacher Louis, cute ziam, exes to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 02:30:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14510556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrystanslouis/pseuds/harrystanslouis
Summary: Seven years ago, Harry chased a dream, leaving behind his home and everyone in it. Including Louis, his best friend and quite possibly, the love of his life. When he's brought back to perform a charity concert for his old high school's Arts program, he realizes not much has really changed, including his feelings. This town is still achingly familiar, his mom still gives the warmest hugs, and Louis still makes his heart feel shimmery around the edges.





	Your Shadow Running Round

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe my first fic is finally being published; it's been quite the journey. 
> 
> I want to give a huge shout out to my best friend and beta, [CeCe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cnd8544/pseuds/larryandgaystuff/works). I couldn't have done it without you. Your constant support and encouragement means more to me than you'll ever know. I know I was cranky throughout writing it, so I'll thank you again for that. Love you very much a lot. <3 
> 
> To the readers, thank you for being here, for taking time out of your day to read my story. It means a lot to me that you're here and I hope you enjoy it :)

Seven Years Ago

“Harry. Baby. My darling. I can’t believe we’ve been together for so long. It seems so minimal in the big picture. I want to spend forever with you. I love you. Will you marry me?”

Louis’ absurd face in the reflection staring back at him is enough to tell him it’s not sappy enough. He needs to do his best, this is a one time thing, he can’t fuck this up.

“Harold. Frog-Boy. Baby.” _Good, start out silly._ “Do you know how much I love you? How much you mean to me? When I try to think of the words to tell you how much I love you, I can’t. There are too many words, too many feelings. I still get butterflies when you walk into a room. You’re the light of my life. Hazza baby, will you-”

Harry comes bursting into the room, yelling out a sharp “Louis!” and Louis’ jaw now hurts from how hard he clamps it shut.

His palms are sweating, he’s visibly excited and anxious, but Harry looks… more anxious than Louis feels.

“Hey, Harry. What’re you doing here?” he rushes out. “I thought I was picking you up?”

Harry’s smiling so hard his face looks like it’s going to   crack.

“I know, Lou, but I was so excited to see you that I couldn’t wait. I just miss you, is all.”

That’s not all. Louis knows from the way Harry keeps bouncing from foot to foot that that’s not all. _Does he know? If Niall told him, I’m going to   kill him. Deep breaths, it’s not that. Probably._

Louis grabs his keys and in the least obvious way he can manage with Harry being right there, makes sure the ring box is nice and snug deep in his pocket. “Okay, well, since you’re here, I guess we can head out!” _Chill out, Tomlinson._ “I was thinking Roselli’s?”

Harry’s face lights up and does that scrunch thing that makes Louis’ tummy flutter and says, “What’s the occasion? That’s a really fancy place, Lou!”

 _Shit._ “Umm, I just want to celebrate graduating, ya know? I’ve made it. And not only that, but I’ve had you as my number one cheerleader from day one, so I think you deserve to be celebrated, too.”

 _There’s the frog-boy smile again._ “That’s a great idea, Lou. Thank you. And I’m so proud of you.”

Louis feels the blush rising to the tips of his ears. _You’ve seen him naked; stop blushing, you fool._ “Alright, this is getting too sappy for me. C’mon, Styles, I’m starving.”

When they’ve made their way out the door and Louis grabs his hand, he hopes Harry can’t tell how nervous he is from the clamminess of his hands.

_Deep breaths, it’s all going to   work out exactly how it’s supposed to._

Arriving at the restaurant, Louis feels like he might vomit. He’s so nervous, he’s pretty sure he’s stopped breathing a few times, and Harry, bless him, is pretending that he can’t sense how nervous he is.

As he opens Harry’s door for him, and he smiles his brightest smile back, Louis feels okay. _This will work out, there’s nothing to worry about._

“Ever the gentleman, my Lou,” Harry says, with the best sounding giggles to follow.

A soft smile graces Louis’ face. “Wanna make this night perfect for you, Hazza. I love you.”

“Love you too, Lou. Always.”

The restaurant is beautiful. Louis’ never been here before, got the suggestion for it from Harry’s mom, actually. She said it was where she realized she was in love with Harry’s stepfather, so Louis thinks there has to be something very special about this place.

“Louis. This is too much. How can you afford this? I know you don’t make much at the library.”

Louis hesitates, not wanting to make this night seem as important as it is. “Oh, um, I’ve just been saving up? Wanted to treat you to something special, and I needed to have everything in place.”

Harry looks suspicious but drops it. “What’re you thinking you’re gonna   get to eat?”

Louis doesn’t think he can eat with all of the butterflies in his stomach but he’s not going to   say that. He skims over his menu and picks the first decent thing he sees. “I’m gonna get the Orecchiette with mini chicken meatballs. What about you?”

“I was thinking something simple, like fettuccine alfredo? With some veggies?”

Louis smiles. “That sounds perfect.”

Harry’s dimple pops when he says, “You know me, babe, I like it simple.”

As often as Harry gets ‘something simple’ or deems even himself as ‘a simple kind of guy’, he’s the most fascinating person Louis’ ever met. He’s complex and beautiful and just… the best person Louis’ ever known. He can’t wait to marry him.  And now he’s being sappy because of a pasta choice. _Get your shit together, Tommo._  

Harry looks more nervous than Louis feels tonight. He keeps playing with his rings and can’t seem to sit still. “Are you okay, Haz? You seem jumpy.”

Harry stills. “No, I mean, yeah, I’m fine! Nothing wrong here. I’m not jumpy, just excited. You seem nervous too.” He has a teasing smile on his face, though Louis can tell he’s trying to cover something up. Harry never was a good liar. “Penny for your thoughts?”

_Fuck. This is it. He’s given me the perfect opportunity. Go for it, Tomlinson._

On instinct, Louis reaches down to tap his pocket where the ring sits heavier than anything he’s ever felt. _Deep breaths. You can do it._

“Um, actually, Harry? There is… something I wanted to talk to you about?”

Harry sits up, confusion clear on his face. “What? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

Taking a deep breath, Louis decides to just get it out there. “Harold. Frog-Boy. Baby. Do you know how much I love you? How much you mean to me?”

Harry looks uncomfortable. Before Louis can finish talking, Harry stops him with his hand up and says, “Wait, Louis. I have something to tell you, and I think I should go first.”

Louis is mildly irritated. He’s been building up the courage to do this for so long, and then his big, dumb boyfriend goes and stops him right in the middle of it all. He releases a big puff of air, hoping that it will take the frustration he feels with it when it leaves his lungs. “Okay…go on, then.”

Harry _really_ looks uncomfortable. Louis doesn’t think this is going to   be a good conversation. For comfort, he holds tight to the ring box in his pocket with one hand, and grabs Harry’s hand to hold tight with the other. He doesn’t know if the gesture is supposed to be for Harry or himself. “Um, so, do you remember that fancy new talent show we’ve seen and heard about for awhile now? _Talented Teens?_ ”

Louis doesn’t like where this is going.

Taking a deep breath, Harry continues. “I may have auditioned? And I may have made it through to boot-camp?” His voice gets so high when he’s nervous.

Louis’ jaw drops so fast it’s surprising the damn thing doesn't snap. “You what?!”

Harry looks embarrassed and, _oh no,_ that’s the last thing Louis wants. He doesn’t want Harry to ever feel anything less than confident. “Yeah, I um, I auditioned on a whim, thinking it could be a good experience either way, and I actually made it through!”

Louis swallows past the panic, past the feeling of nausea, because he knows he needs to be supportive right now. “Harry, I’m so happy for you. This is incredible! I knew this celebration dinner was gonna   be good. What’s the next step? Are you moving on after school’s done for you?”

Hesitation flickers across Harry’s face and Louis _really_ doesn’t like that. “That’s actually… complicated. You see, they want me to do boot-camp starting in September. They take the summer months off from filming.”

Louis’ mind is reeling. _If Harry starts in September, then that means-_

“Lou. I’ll have to stay in Manhattan for about a year. They want me to relocate to complete all of the live shows.”

Louis’ throat feels like it’s closing, his chest is tight, and he doesn’t know what to say.

It’s been so long since Louis has said anything that Harry’s voice is pleading when he says, “Louis? Baby? Please say something.” Louis can see the unshed tears in Harry’s eyes threatening to spill over.

When Louis finally gains enough of his composure back to speak, he opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He fish-mouths for a few seconds before he says, “I am so proud of you, Harry. You’re gonna   do great things. I just… I don’t want to sound selfish, and I don’t want you to feel as if I’m not happy for you, because believe me, I am. But… how do you think this is going to affect our relationship? I’ve already gotten into Penn State. That means I’m gonna   be here, while you’re there, and that’s...a tough pill to swallow.” Louis needs to stop talking before he says something he regrets. He’s so happy for Harry, but he knows this isn’t going to work. Not in his favor, anyway.

Harry looks like someone stole his puppy and this is not how the night was supposed to go. “I have thought about it, Lou. A lot. We can do it. I know we can make it work. It’s just for a little while.” There’s worry and uncertainty written all over Harry’s face. “I love you, and you love me, and love is all we need right?” The tears are flowing freely from Harry now, and Louis feels like he’s about to drown with the amount of tears that he’s holding in himself.

_You need to be happy for Harry. Harry’s happiness is what matters. You can’t take this away from him. Don’t fuck this up._

Louis takes a deep breath and gets up to go around the table and hug his boy. When Harry realizes what he’s doing, he stands up out of his chair so fast he almost trips.

Louis lets go of his comfort, of the ring that’s sitting heavily in his pocket, and wipes at the tears he just can’t hold back anymore. He grabs his boyfriend, squeezes as hard as he can, and says, “Yeah, sweetheart. We’ll make it work.”

 

* * *

Present Day

Anxiety is a bitch. Harry is restless, can’t seem to sit still. Niall has tried multiple times to calm him down, has even encouraged him to take a nap, but Harry can’t. The thoughts of what’s going to   happen in the next few hours are weighing him down so much that he’s a nervous wreck. _Why did I agree to come back here?_

Shaking his head, he turns to his best friend to ask for how much longer they’re going to   be stuck in the car. Niall huffs out an exasperated breath when he tells him they only have about an hour left, and if Harry wants to have any sense of calm when they get there he needs to do something to release all of his nervous energy. Harry takes this as him being annoyed, and he’s frustrated because Niall _knows._ He knows what’s going on in Harry’s head right now, for the most part, knows it’s hard for him to calm down.

Harry also knows that Niall’s right, so he turns on his ‘Car Jams’ playlist and tries to let loose. He belts out the lyrics to Halsey’s _Bad at Love_ , sings loudly to The Killers’ _Mr. Brightside_ , swings his hips in his seat to Dua Lipa’s _New Rules_ , laughs and yells to The Spice Girls _Wannabe_ , and then serenades Niall to Kendrick Lamar’s _LOVE_. He continues singing, dancing, and trying to distract himself. For the most part, it’s working, but he can’t help think of his baby blue past when the music pauses for too long.

After stopping to fuel the car one last time, they’ve got about twenty minutes until their arrival. Harry wants to go straight to his family’s house, go see his mom, sister, and step-dad, but he can’t. He needs to get his shit in order first, relax a little at the hotel with Niall, and then face his family tomorrow.

Once they get checked into the Sofitel and get to their respective suites, Harry decides he’s going to   take a bubble bath, drink some wine, and maybe see if Niall wants to come to his room and watch a movie. That should relax him, and Niall said he needed to talk to him about some things, so Harry feels like alcohol is most _definitely_ necessary. He takes his time sorting out his bags, and then texts Niall to let him know of his plans for this evening.

_Did you end up picking up the cheap wine from the corner shop we used to drink when we were kids?_

_Ni: Of course I did, who do you think I am?_

Harry smiles as he types out his reply.

_Just checking! I’m gonna   take a bubble bath and then you can come over so we can watch a movie and talk._

_Ni: Sounds good! And H? It’s not a bad talk, so stop fretting, ya nerd._

Harry cackles and doesn’t even bother replying. He loves Niall. He’s so grateful for him.

After enjoying a long, lavender-scented bath, he throws on his briefs and tells Niall to come over. They order a pizza, and as usual, Niall complains about Harry’s choice of pineapple for a topping. He doesn’t get it; pineapple on pizza is gold, and everyone who argues is wrong.

Once their pizza is gone and they’ve moved on to their second bottle of wine, Niall tells Harry that he is so proud him for being able to come back here and face his fears.

Harry’s got tears in his eyes from Niall’s speech. He doesn’t know what he would do without him, so he tells him just that. “Niall. I really, truly don’t know what I would do without you. You’re my best friend, you know that, right? I can’t even begin to thank you for everything you do for me.”

Niall sniffles a bit, which is out of character for him, so it must be the alcohol. “Haz, you’re my best friend, too, and I know that you’ve had a rough go of things, but you’re on top right now, yeah? We’ve switched your label, you’ve pulled me in as your manager, which I am genuinely so grateful for, and now you can be out and yourself. You’ve done a shit ton to help yourself, Harry. I’m so proud of you.”

Harry can’t help it, he leaps into his best friend’s lap and cries, blubbering to him about how much he means to him. Niall finally pushes him off and tells him it’s about time for him to go back to his own room so they can get some sleep because tomorrow Harry is seeing his family again, and they both know he’s going to  want a good night’s rest for that. Harry walks Niall to the door, bids him goodnight with one last _‘thank you!’_ and then falls face-first into his king-sized bed.

Forty-five minutes later, Harry’s still tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep. He thinks about trying to write music, but his brain is still fizzing from the drive here, so anxious about it all that he doesn’t think he could concentrate. He sends Niall a text, telling him he’s still up and asking if he has any ideas that’ll help him sleep. Niall doesn’t reply, so after another fifteen minutes, Harry calls him. Niall doesn’t answer after the third or forth call, so Harry decides he’ll try one more time before he gives up and goes to his room. Lucky number five it is, because Niall picks up, but not _so_ lucky because he’s yelling at Harry for waking him up.

Harry groans into the receiver as he says, “Niall, I’m sorry, but I can’t sleep. Do you know of anything I can do? I’m going crazy over here.”

After a brief silence, Niall finally answers, but something sounds off about his response. “Actually, Haz…I know of this diner that opened up a few years back. It’s this hipstery-type place, only open at night for the college kid and night owls. Pretty successful in this area, but it’s only one in the morning, so it shouldn’t be super busy right now. Make yourself decent and meet me outside in five.”

Before Harry can respond, Niall hangs up the phone. _How rude._ He throws on a pair of Adidas track pants and one of his tour hoodies, along with his favorite worn-down pair of Vans. _Cozy enough for a diner, but still presentable,_ he thinks. He meets Niall and they begin the walk to the diner, which Niall tells him is actually only four blocks away.

Niall keeps fidgeting and Harry really needs to know what’s bothering him. “Ni, you know you can tell me anything. What’s on your mind? You keep looking around and fidgeting like your mind is elsewhere right now. Are you okay?”

Niall sighs, “Listen, Harry…there’s a reason I’m bringing you here, and you have to promise not to get mad, okay? It has nothing to do with Louis, so don’t worry, but I just want you to know that, as your best friend, I think this is where you need to be. Say the word and we’ll leave.”

Harry’s confused, doesn’t know why Niall seems so uncomfortable. But he smiles anyway and says, “I trust you, Ni. I’m sure whatever it is, I’ll be fine.”

Niall mumbles something under his breath that Harry can’t quite catch, but he let’s it go. They arrive at the diner, and Harry notices the name _The PM Diner._ He likes the name, thinks it fits quite well, and gestures for Niall to head in first. He’s anxious because he’s still unsure of why Niall is bringing him here, but excited to be in a new place in this small town.

Once they get sat down, Harry decides he likes it. It’s cozy, but modern, and has a homey-feel to it. He wonders who owns it. Just as he turns to Niall to ask him, his heart starts beating too fast in his chest, and he feels shame running like fire through his veins. _Zayn and Liam._ Harry can’t believe this. _The PM Diner._ It makes sense, Payne-Malik. Liam looks uncomfortable, and Zayn, _oh god,_ he looks like he wants to kill Harry. He signals to Niall to look behind him with a not-so-subtle widening of his eyes and nod of his head, and Niall doesn’t even have to turn around for his eyes to grow comically wide. At least he has the decency to look a _little_ apologetic.

Through an uncomfortable minute, that Harry swears could’ve been an hour, they just stare at each other. He can feel sweat beading on his forehead, he’s so uncomfortable. He doesn’t know if he should get up and leave, or if he should just continue on with his night, trying to ignore these people he left behind so long ago.

Zayn has apparently made the decision for him, because he and Liam are walking toward the table and Zayn doesn’t look happy to see Harry. He stops in front of the table, and sounding like the same person, but a totally different, angrier version of himself all at once, he says, “Never thought we’d see the likes of you around here again. Seems a bit small for you now.”

Liam and Niall both look shocked by the words Zayn has just spat him, and Harry wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He can’t believe Niall would put him in this position without even telling him first. Well, he can, but he’d rather not think about that right now, not when he needs to respond to Zayn.

He takes a deep breath and says, “Uh, hi? Nice to see you too, Zayn.” Harry cringes internally and rolls his eyes at himself. _Nailed it._

Before Zayn can say anything else, Liam is stepping in front of him to say hello to Harry. “Hi Harry, um, I don’t think we should do this right now, so what would you like to eat or drink?” Poor Liam looks so uncomfortable and Harry feels like shit. “Or are you not planning on sticking around?”

That stings. He doesn’t know if Liam even meant it in the way he took it. He knows Liam has every right, and so does Zayn, but it still hurts. “Um, I’ll take a decaf tea, please.” Harry looks at his best friend, who is now having a silent conversation with Zayn through their eyes. “Um, Niall? Do you want anything?”

Niall stops his weird eye movements and says, “Yeah, I do. I’ll just take my normal coffee order. Thanks, Li.”

Liam and Zayn walk away, presumably to make their drinks, and Harry rounds on Niall quicker than lighting. In his best whisper-shout, so the other boys won’t hear him, he says, “Niall, _what the fuck!_ You could have told me this is where we were going. I thought you were bringing me here to calm me down, not to make me more uncomfortable and anxious than I already was.”

Niall’s eyes are sad. “Look, Harry. I’m sorry, okay? I just thought this would be good for you. I still do. It might take you time to realize, but you hurt these two as well. Not only did you leave Louis behind, you left Z and Li behind too. They’ll come around, I know it. You just have to let them get used to the idea of you being back.”

“Niall, I’m _not_ back, though. I’m here for a short period of time, just to leave again. I don’t want to leave them behind. Not again, not if they let me back into their lives.”

Niall looks frustrated, and Harry’s not sure why; he knows why Harry would react this way. Harry doesn’t know why he’s being obtuse, he knows the plan, he knows what’s going to  happen.

“Harry! You don’t have to leave them behind. You can continue to be there for them, to be their friends, and still be away. You can come back and visit from time to time, maybe even have them visit you! There are endless possibilities for what could happen. This isn’t something to worry about right now. Your main priority is making amends with them. You know you’re exaggerating the future, so knock it off and enjoy your tea.” Quickly and more quietly, “Liam’s coming back.”

Liam hesitates, looks like he wants to say something, but he just sets down their drinks, smiles at Niall, and walks away. Harry doesn’t know how long he can sit here, knowing that two of his oldest friends, two of the most important people in his life, are just sitting in the back of their restaurant probably hating that he’s here.

Harry looks at Niall, kind of uncomfortable after being so rude to him, knowing he just wanted to help. He drinks his tea quickly, not caring that it burns his tongue and scalds his throat on the way down. He needs to get out of here. He’s so emotionally drained he doesn’t think sleep will be a struggle for him anymore. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know you mean well, and I think it will help, I just… think I am so emotionally fucked up right now that I can’t articulate my feelings and thoughts so I’m just outwardly being a dick.”

Niall smiles at him, and Harry knows his best friend isn’t mad at him, knows he understands what Harry is going through. “Haz, it’s okay. But if you ever snap at me again, I’m punching you. Deal?” Niall holds out a fist to bump, and Harry smashes his against Niall’s, so grateful for him.

Once their drinks are finished, the two make their way to the counter to pay. Zayn is standing up front and Harry feels like he might throw up all of the tea he just ingested. “Zayn, I-”

Zayn holds his hand up, stops Harry right in his tracks. “Don’t. I really don’t want to hear it right now. Your total is five dollars even.”

Harry hands him a ten dollar bill, tells him to keep the change, and swiftly walks out of the diner. He’s full of shame, can’t believe he’s left these people behind. He and Niall don’t speak walking back to the hotel, nor do they speak in the elevator. Once they reach their floor, Niall tells Harry that he’s proud of him and that he’ll see him in the morning.

Walking into his room, Harry can’t stop the flow of tears anymore. Niall isn’t here, so he doesn’t need to hide, just lets go so he cries, and cries, until he feels like there’s no moisture left in his body. He hates what he’s done, hates that he’s burned so many bridges. He feels the shame of his past working its way through his body, burning so hot that he can’t breathe. He steps onto the balcony, trying to take in some fresh air. _Get it together, Styles. Own up to the shitstorm you’ve created and make things right._

Once he finally calms down, he washes his face and grabs a bottle of water to take to bed with him. He picks up his phone once he’s settled, and opens up a group message to his mom and his sister, hesitating before he starts typing.

 _Hey guys, it’s me, Harry. Obviously. I, uh, I just wanted to let you know that I’m in town? In case you haven’t already heard. I was hoping to stop by tomorrow, if you’ll be around?_ _  
_ _I was planning on coming around 2, if that works. I love you. -H x_

Deciding the message is good enough, he presses send, plugs in his phone, and hopes for the best. It’s time for him to face the music, to make amends for his mistakes, and make up for lost time with the people who never deserved to be left behind. As soon as his head hits the pillow, sleep overcomes him, helping prepare him for whatever tomorrow will bring.

Harry wakes up feeling like shit. He slept too hard, which is funny, considering the events of last night. He checks his phone, realizing he slept way later than he wanted to. It’s currently eleven-thirty, and if he wants to be at his mom’s house by two, he needs to get his ass out of bed.

He has two missed calls and a text from Niall, and a reply from both his mom and sister in their group message. He checks Niall’s message first, trying to avoid the more important conversation, and sees that Niall went out to breakfast with Zayn. He’s happy for him, glad that Niall can catch up with Zayn. He shoots Niall a thumbs up emoji, and then decides he should probably fill him in on the plan.

_Hey, Ni. I just woke up, which is weird, but whatever. Gonna jump in the shower and head down to the cafe around the corner to get some coffee and breakfast. Let me know when you’re back and I’ll head back to the hotel. I want to  get to mom’s around 2, so if we could leave here by like 1:15, that’d be nice. I know we’re gonna need to fuel up so that’s my plan. See you in a bit. Xx H._

He fires off the message and then opens the thread for his family. His mom replied with a short _‘Okay.’_ and Gemma’s reply said _‘You have a lot of explaining to do. We’ll see you later.’_

_Phew, not bad. But definitely in for an ass-kicking when he gets there._

After his shower, he throws on his favorite pair of black skinny jeans, his olive green _Obsession_ crewneck, and a navy blue headscarf. After he throws on his go-to Vans, he grabs his wallet and room key and he’s out the door.

He opens up his maps on his phone and has it direct him to _The Java Room,_ his old place of employment, and starts off on his journey. As he’s walking, he passes old places that he and his friends used to go to when they were kids, and it brings a smile to his face. He looks at the skatepark across the street and remembers when Louis was showing off to get Harry’s attention and broke his arm. A shudder runs through him thinking about Louis. He doesn’t know when he’s going to  be able to confront him, if at all during this trip, but he hopes when and if he does, that things go okay. Even if Louis hates him and never wants to see him again, which Harry fully expects, he hopes Louis will let him apologize and try to make up for his wrong-doings.

He sees the cafe coming up on his left, thankful to be so close because his stomach is grumbling. He’s also so thankful for this small town, for all of the people that already know him, that won’t make a big deal that he’s here. He just wants to be himself this week, he doesn’t want to be ‘on brand Harry Styles™.’

Entering the cafe, he’s hit with a wave of nostalgia. He loves it in here, loves the homey feel to it, the overall calm and joy that it brings. Standing in line behind a few other customers, he sees movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking over, he realizes it’s Liam going to  sit down at a booth. Harry decides then that he’s going to take a chance and try to talk to him after he receives his order.

The customers ahead of him are gone now, and it’s his turn, and Liam still hasn’t noticed him. _Good, okay. You’ve got this._ The cashier’s eyes widen in surprise when they realize that he’s standing there but he doesn’t say anything and for that, Harry is grateful. “Hi, sir. What can I get for you today?”

Harry pretends to ponder the menu, acting as if he’s not going to  get the same thing he’s always gotten. “Umm, can I get some avocado toast? And some fruit? I’ll also take a french vanilla non-fat iced latte. Please and thank you.” He smiles.

The kid tells him his total, takes his money, and then gets to work on making his breakfast. Harry’s fidgety and he can’t wait to get some food in his stomach. When the employee brings his food up, he tells Harry in a very polite way that he’s a big fan, but he’s not going to  bug him and to enjoy his breakfast. Harry smiles at him again, grateful for the consideration. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate that. I’m sure the food will be ace. I’ll see you around!” And if Harry slips a fifty dollar bill in the tip jar when the kid turns around, nobody has to know.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Harry wanders over to Liam’s table, hoping he might want some company. “Hey, Liam. Um, do you mind if I sit here?” He realizes that he’s imposing, that Liam probably doesn’t want him to sit there, so he rushes out words faster than his brain can think them. “I mean, it’s like, fine if you don’t want me to. I get it. I’ve been kind of a dick for these last seven years and-”

“Harry, stop. It’s fine, you can sit here.” Liam even gives a sort-of-maybe half smile to encourage it. Harry gives Liam the same look back but he’s pretty sure his just looks like a grimace, showcasing how uncomfortable and nervous he is.

“Look, Liam-”

“Harry, I-”

Liam chuckles and gestures for Harry to continue. “Go on Haz, uh, Harry.” He coughs into his fist, clearly not meaning to call Harry by his nickname. “You go first, then I’ll talk.”

Harry takes a deep breath, not even sure where to begin. “I just… want to start out by saying it’s so fucking good to see you, Liam. I know it might not seem like it, what with the radio silence and all, but I’ve missed you. A lot.” He pauses to keep himself in check, doesn’t want to  ramble and sound like a fool. “I know the words might not matter, and it might be too late, but I’m really and truly sorry. I fucked up. I had a lot of struggles in these past seven years, and I want to make up for it. You don’t need to forgive me, and I know that I need to explain a lot more than this, but I just wanted to put it out there. That I’m sorry and I’ve fucking missed you.” Harry’s got tears in his eyes and he doesn’t really care, not when it looks like Liam’s eyes are misty as well.

Liam clears his throat a few times, wipes his eyes, and begins to speak. “Harry… What you did all those years ago wasn’t cool, you know? You left us all in the dust. No calls, no texts, nothing. It wasn’t okay, and it took me a long time to get over it, but I’m okay now. I’ve missed you too, but that doesn’t erase the past. I’m glad you’re back, and it might not have seemed like it last night, but Zayn is, too. You were one of our best friends, Haz, it’s hard to stay mad when you’re doing what you love, so successfully. It’s just hard to think that once fame and fortune came into the picture, you forgot about the people who were always here for you.”

Harry’s full on crying now, struggling in vain to keep the tears from falling but there’s just too many.. He knows he deserves this, deserves every single word Liam is saying and more, but that doesn’t make him feel any better. He deserves to feel this way after what he put his friends through. “Li, I know. It’s more complicated than that, though that’s a conversation for another time. Can we just… catch up right now? I want to  hear all about your life, the diner, anything you feel like telling me. If you don’t want to do that, if you aren’t comfortable, just let me know and I’ll go.” Harry really hopes Liam doesn’t ask him to leave, he wants to make sure his friends are okay.

Liam sighs and smiles his puppy smile Harry’s missed so much. “Ya know, I always thought about what I’d say or do to you if and when you came back here, and none of those things are what’s happening right now. I wouldn’t mind catching up, but I don’t have much time, I actually have a meeting to go to, but I’ll give you a quick rundown of what you’ve missed the last seven years.” Taking a deep breath, Liam continues. “So, long story short, Zayn and I got together about a year after graduation. We realized we both were kind of more than platonic mates, and wanted to give it a go. As you can see, it’s worked out quite well.” Liam smiles and his eyes are sparkling. Harry can tell just by looking at him how smitten he is with Zayn. “So we both were in school for business, and we would always have study dates. We complained quite frequently that we never had a place we could go, or other students could go, that didn’t close at ten o’clock at night. We wanted something like that, be it for studying or a late night drunken hangout spot. We decided we were going to  create a place like that, and stay put right here. After we graduated from college, we put all of the plans in motion and got to work. Louis actually helped us pick the name. We were stumped for so long.” Liam chuckles fondly, his eyes crinkling in the corners. Harry’s missed him a lot. “One day he called us a pair of dumbasses meant for each other, and gave us the name. So now we own the diner, we own the house right beside it actually, moved in right after we bought the diner, and the rest is history. Oh! And we have a dog, his name is Charlie and he’s a sweetheart. Zayn’s baby, that one is. An all-black German Shepherd.” Liam smiles proudly, and Harry can’t blame him. He’s so proud of the life his friend has built for himself.

Harry smiles, big and dimply at this person from his past, hoping he'll stay in his present, in his future. “That is so great, Li. I’m so happy for you guys. Back in high school, Louis and I always talked about you two. Wishing you’d just get together already. Seems it’s all worked out.”

Liam smiles back at Harry, and tells him that he wants to hear all about his life as a rockstar when he’s got more time. “I hate to cut this short, because it really is good to see you again, Harry, but I need to head out. It was really good seeing you.” Surprising Harry yet again, Liam grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him into a quick hug. “We’ve all missed you, you know? All of us. You know where to find me when you’ve got some time to talk. Have a good day, Haz.”

With tears in his eyes and a smile on his face, Harry watches Liam leave the cafe. He pulls out his phone to check the time, and notices that it’s almost one, so if he wants to keep on schedule he has to head out now, as well. After cleaning up his breakfast, he stops at the counter to take a picture with the boy who treated him like a person, and then starts his walk back to the hotel.

He pulls out his phone and notices that Niall has just texted him, letting him know he’s back at the hotel. _Perfect_ , Harry thinks, _I’ll just meet him outside._ He calls Niall, tells him he’ll meet him outside, and then puts his phone away. He’s nervous about going to  his mom’s house, but the excitement is overshadowing his fears. He can’t wait to see his family again.

Once him and Niall get situated and get on the road, Harry asks that they can stop to fuel up and get drinks because he’s so nervous that he’s got cotton mouth.

Niall rolls his eyes. “Stop being so dramatic, ya big baby.” He has a teasing smile on his face so Harry knows he’s not being malicious. “You’ll be fine! It’s just your family. They love you no matter what.”

Heaving a deep sigh, Harry agrees. He knows Niall is right, but that doesn’t stop him from worrying.

They decide to go to a gas station right around the corner from the hotel, and Harry already feels like he needs air. He volunteers to run in and get drinks and pay for the fuel, so after checking what Niall wants, he heads in to the store in search of an energy drink for Niall and a water for himself. He has an uneasy feeling in his gut and he’s not sure why, but he just chalks it up to being nervous about seeing his mom.

He heads down a random aisle, perusing for a snack, and stops dead in his tracks. He can’t breathe. He knew it was risky coming back to this town. He knew, and he still did it. His chest is tight, his vision is going white, and everything sounds as if he is under water.

_You perform in front of thousands of people every night. One person can not do this to you. Not after all this time. Get it the fuck together._

No matter how hard he tries to calm down, it isn’t working. He’s sinking further and further into this panic, drowning in a sea of _blueblueblue_.

Anytime he’s thought of seeing Louis again, he never pictured it like this. Maybe seeing him in passing? Maybe sneaking into the school early, before the gig, to _accidentally_ run into him? But he never thought he would see Louis at a gas station within his first five minutes of being back in Westlake. Not only that, but he never would’ve wished to have a panic attack because of the beautiful blue-eyed boy. Hopefully Louis hasn’t seen him yet, maybe he can bring himself out of this, can just move on as if nothing happened, maybe he can-

“Harry Styles?”

Harry is frozen. He can’t move, he can’t speak, all he can do is focus on his breathing and try to pretend that his ex-boyfriend, the love of his life and his childhood best friend, isn’t standing in front of him after seven years.

“Hey, Louis.” Harry hears Niall’s pleasant greeting through the haze in his mind.  

_Niall. He’s here. He can get me out of this._

_“_ Gimme a sec, okay?” He can hear Niall speaking to Louis, hopefully guiding him away so he doesn’t see Harry like this.

“Yeah, sure.” Harry never thought he could miss a voice so much. “ I’m just gonna , um, go? Yeah, I’m gonna  go. It was good to see you.”

Harry is frozen and doesn’t know what to do. He can sense Louis’ hesitation as he says, “Hey, Harry? It’s good to see you as well. I, uh, I hope you’re okay.”

And then Louis is gone. Like a figment of Harry’s imagination, disappeared into thin air.

“Breathe, Haz. It’s okay. Deep breaths. You’re going to  be okay.” Niall’s voice is in his ear, steady and comforting even through the static. “C’mon, Harry, come back to me.”

He breathes. For the first time in what could only be minutes that felt like hours, he takes in some fresh air. He can feel himself calming down, can feel his breath coming out a little more evenly. His lungs are on fire, his head hurts, and he’s got tears running down his face.

“I’m okay, Niall. I’m here. Thank you.” Niall nods, and Harry feels like he can open up a little more. “I don’t know what happened. One minute I was grabbing a drink and the next Louis rounded the corner and I just couldn’t breathe.”

“I’m sorry, Harry. I know this wasn’t ideal, but it was bound to happen, wasn’t it? He works at the school; you couldn’t exactly keep it a secret that you were here, ya know? Plus, it’s a small town, and people gossip. You’re kind of a big deal if you couldn’t remember that.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Cracking a smile, Harry lets out a deep breath. “Can we go, please? I just want to get to mum’s house and rest.”

“Sure thing. Let me just get our drinks and pay for the gas. You head on out to the car and I’ll be there in a minute.”

Harry makes his way to the car, enjoying the fresh air. He feels a little lighter, even if his heart feels more heavy than it has in years.

Getting closer to their destination, Harry smiles, seeing his childhood home coming into view. He’s so excited to see his mom and Gemma. It’s been too long since he’s been away, haunted by a past that he’s tried to forget.

“Ni, we’re finally here. Do you think mum’s gonna  yell or hug me first?”

“Maybe both at the same time. She loves you, but don’t think that excuses you from a lecture of a lifetime for being gone so long.”  

Harry sighs. He knows Niall is right. He’s neglected his family and he knows he needs to make up for it.

“You’re probably right. Oh well. I’m just glad to be back.”

_Whoops. Probably not the right words to say._

Niall glances in his direction. “Are you sure? That you’re glad to be back, I mean. That was… something, at the station, there. I know you have to be hurting, Haz. If this is too hard just tell me and I’ll do whatever I can to get you out of this gig.”

Harry loves his best friend.

“I know you would. But I have to face my fears, and my past, at some point, right? I genuinely think I’m glad to be back. Even if I don’t get to speak to Louis, it felt good seeing him. He looks good. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy. Plus, I get to see my family again.”

“Alright, whatever you say, Haz. Say the word and I’ll make it happen. Now, let’s go! We’ve been in this car way too long and I’ve got a feeling your mom has something tasty in her kitchen with my name on it!”

Harry’s cackling. He’s so happy to be back, and so so happy to have his best friend right here with him. This might not be such a bad trip after all.

As soon as he enters the house, Harry comes face to face with a crying mom and a pissed off looking sister.

_Oh no._

He can feel himself blushing. He’s so in for it. He pastes on his biggest dimpled smile. “Heeeey, family! I’ve missed you?”

“Really, Harry? You’ve been gone for _how_ many years and the best you can say is ‘I’ve missed you’?”

“Sorry, sorry. Can we do hugs now and lectures later? Please? I really have missed you guys a lot. I would just like to do the sappy reunion before we have the serious conversations we need to have.”

He feels like shit. _How could he have stayed away from his family for so long?_ His mom still hasn’t said a word and she’s still crying. _Fuck._

Gemma sighs. “Bring it in, little brother. We’ve missed you too.”

He hugs his mom and sister like it’s the last hug he’ll ever give them. He can feel the tears running down his face, but he just doesn’t care. He’s finally with his family again. He’s home. If Harry was a little more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed Niall taking a picture of their reunion hug.

After having a nice lunch with Niall, his mom, and Gemma, Niall makes his exit, heading out for an afternoon of meetings, leaving Harry alone with his family. _Time to do this. Just rip the bandaid off and get it over with._

He ushers his family into the living room and tells them that he would like to finally have this important conversation. He’s so nervous. It’s been a whirlwind of a day and he doesn’t know if he can handle this, but he has to. It’s time. He owes this to them.

Wiping his hands on his pants and trying to calm down, without really being ready, he starts rambling. “I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t even know where to start or what to say. I really messed up, I know I did. You didn’t deserve for me to just leave you guys in the dust with only minimal conversations every few months. I should have come back here, should’ve never let you down the way I have.” He takes a deep breath to keep himself from crying. He’s so fucking tired of crying. “I don’t want to ramble on saying the same things over and over again, I just want you to know that I’m sorry, that I love you both, and that I’m never going to  disappear from your lives like that again.”

Both Anne and Gemma are crying now, and Harry feels like shit for being the reason for tears again. Gemma speaks first, surprising Harry with her words. “Listen, Harry. It’s been really fucking hard to watch you have to grow up from thousands of miles away, through gossip rags and concert videos. We love you. We’re your family. We want you back, baby brother. We don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t talk to us, or be around us, no matter what. We’re here for you, and we’re so glad you’re home. Please don’t ever do this again.”

Harry’s crying now, not that he’s surprised. He nods at his sister, too afraid to speak. His mom looks at him, and with tears in her eyes, she simply says, “I’m over the sad conversations, darling. I just want you to feel okay, and like Gemma said, we are always here for you. I’m so happy you’re here.”

Wiping his tears, he launches himself onto the other couch in between his mom and sister. He pulls them into a group hug, and once they’ve all settled down they tell stories from the last seven years. He’s happy. Really, genuinely happy. This town might not be so bad after all.

He eats dinner with his family, his step-dad now home from work so he catches up with him as well, and tells them all about the concert he’s putting on in a few days, asks them all to be there. He gets a text from Niall halfway through dinner letting him know he will be there to get him in about thirty minutes. He lets his family know that he has a short amount of time left at their house for the night, but he wants to get together again before he heads back to New York, making them promise they will absolutely be at his show. They all assure him that they’ll be there, and with one last hug to everyone in the house, Harry heads outside when Niall arrives.

Getting in the car is kind of like a breath of fresh air. After the run in with Louis, and then all of the different emotions he rolled through with his family, he’s in need of some tea and some sleep. He tells Niall about the conversations with his family, and Niall tells him how proud of him he is, and that he knew everything would be fine.

On the way back to the hotel, Niall asks him what he wants to do about Louis. He lets out a long groan before answering. “I don’t know, honestly. I feel like, now that I ran into him, I definitely need to talk to him before the show. He deserves an apology, and I want to make sure he knows that it wasn’t my intention to just leave him behind. I need to give him closure as much as I need it for myself. I kind of freaked out tonight, realized that I might still be in love with him, but I know he’s not with me. I’ve accepted that, and I need to move on.”

Niall glances in Harry’s direction before speaking. “You’re right, Harry. He does deserve it, but so do you. If you’re still in love with him, which, _wow.”_ Harry kind of rolls his eyes. He kind of expected Niall to react a little more, but he can’t blame him, not when Harry’s so obvious. “You can’t forget about yourself in this, ya know? I know how hard it is for you being here, and how hard it was earlier at the gas station. Just remember I’m here for you, buddy. No matter what.”

Harry pats Niall on the shoulder, thanks him, and then stares out the window for the rest of the ride back to the hotel. When they return and Harry gets to his room, he checks his phone and sees that Niall has texted him. He rolls his eyes at his best friend. _We were literally together thirty seconds ago,_ he thinks endeared _._ Opening the message, his breath catches in his throat. Niall sent him the picture he took earlier of his mom, sister, and himself wrapped in a tight hug. Harry immediately sets it as his wallpaper and then tears up. He loves his best friend and his family so much. He needs to lay down, needs to let the stress of the day float away. He washes his face, brushes his teeth, and then lays down, hoping sleep will overtake him and let him dream of a life where he never abandoned his best friends, the love of his life, and his family.

Just like the night before, sleep evades him, and Harry finds himself walking to _The PM Diner._ He doesn’t know why he’s coming back here, but something in his gut is telling him this is where he needs to go. Walking in, he doesn’t see anyone except for a couple people in the back corner, who look to be studying for exams or doing coursework. He smiles to himself remembering the conversation he had with Liam earlier in the day, so proud of his friends for achieving their goal.

He takes a seat in a side booth, wondering if Zayn will be here tonight. He’s mostly made his peace with Liam, and he knows it’s going to  be harder to talk to Zayn, but he knows that he needs to at least try.

A few minutes later, Zayn comes out and hands Harry a menu. “Surprised to see you back so soon. What can I get for you?”

Harry doesn’t even need to look at the menu. “I’ll just take a decaf tea, please.”

Zayn walks away and doesn’t say anything else. When he comes back out a few minutes later, he sits down on the other side of Harry’s booth and hands him a beer. “Here, mate, drink this. It’s better than your shit tea anyways.” He has a teasing smirk on his face, so Harry lets out a puff of air and lets his shoulders drop.

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it. And my tea isn’t shit.” He’s laughing a little, hoping to keep the mood light.

Zayn, apparently, has decided to not keep it light, because he says, “I wanted to apologize about what I said last night. It wasn’t fair of me, even if it wasn’t fair what you did to us all of those years ago. Louis’ my best friend, you know? It was so hard for all of us, but it hit him the hardest. I think you know that. It was hard to see him like..he was after you left. He was a shadow of the person he used to be, it was scary, if I’m being honest.”

Harry feels like his heart has just shattered once more. He gathers his thoughts before responding. “I know, Zayn. You don’t have to apologize, it was well deserved. As for Louis, can we… not talk about him right now? I saw him earlier and kind of freaked out a little bit, I don’t think I’m ready to breech that topic with anyone just yet.”

Zayn smiles at him, albeit a little sadly. “I get it, man, I do. I just wanted you to know that even after the bullshit, your friendship has always meant a lot to me. I’m glad to see you back around here.”

Harry smiles a little at the person with whom he used to be so close. “Thank you, Zayn. I appreciate that. It’s good to see you. I ran into Liam this morning, I don’t know if he told you, but I’d like to meet up with you guys before I head out. I didn’t tell him, didn’t have the chance, but I’m performing in a few days. I’d love it if you guys would come.”

Zayn looks genuinely pleased to be invited so Harry knows he hadn’t rushed it too much. “Yeah, Haz, we wouldn’t miss it. I’m gonna  head to the back and finish some stuff up, but I figured I’d at least apologize for being a prick.” Zayn chuckles before giving Harry a little solute and then walking away.

Harry’s watching all of the cars go by out the window, sipping on his beer, and thinking about ordering food when he hears the tinkling of the bell above the door. He looks over and the next thing he sees is Louis near the bar, one hand on the surface, eyes glued on Harry.

He looks frozen, like he’d been doing something as natural as going to  maybe lean over the counter to call Zayn when he noticed Harry and froze mid-move. Neither of them says anything, and Zayn walks out of the kitchen, pauses for a beat, and then turns right back around.

They both glance around nervously, and Harry is terrified and embarrassed, but mostly he just wants Louis to sit with him. Amazingly enough, Louis wanders forward, cautiously, like he’s trying not to spook him, and asks to do just that. “Can I… can I sit with you? Would that be alright?” Harry nods dumbly, motioning to the other bench.

They don’t say anything for a few minutes, just kind of stare at each other until Louis breaks the silence with an awkward, almost forced kind of laugh. “How’s it going, rockstar?” He’s smirking, which helps Harry relax just a tiny bit.

He chuckles. “Things are good, Lou. Better now. How are you?”

Louis smiles at him. “I’m doing alright. Up late grading papers, so I wanted to pop in and grab a bite to eat and say hello to Zayn.” He nods inconspicuously toward the kitchen with a smirk on his face. “Who I’m sure is watching us from the back window, and then get some sleep before class tomorrow.” They hear a loud clanking noise followed by a shriek of _“Oh shit, oops!”_ from the back and they both burst into laughter. It feels good laughing with Louis again, even if it’s only for tonight. He smiles softly once he calms down and it feels like he can really breathe when he looks up and sees Louis smiling back at him.

Louis looks like he’s having an internal debate before he finally says, “So… the concert? I think it’s great what you’re doing, Harry.”

Harry smiles a bashful smile. “It’s no problem, honestly. I grew up here. I don’t think it’s fair to these kids that they’re trying to cut the Arts programs. That’s what got me started, so I want to show how important the Arts are and what they can do.” He smiles a little. “I don’t know who organized it, but whoever thought to have a concert to fundraise for it is a genius. I didn’t hesitate when Niall asked me to do it.

Louis has a pretty blush on his cheeks. He’s _beautiful._ “Um, so… that actually was me?” His voice squeaks as he finishes the sentence. He nervously flicks his fringe out if his eyes. _Some things never change._ “I don’t know if you know, but I’m the drama teacher at our old high school. I wanted to do something big, make a statement, ya know? I called Niall and was complaining to him about not knowing what to do, and then he told me he had an idea.” He pauses, swallowing hard.” I actually didn’t know you were the performer until a few days ago. I had an idea, but Niall wouldn’t explicitly tell me.” He looks awkward now and that’s not really what Harry wants. Harry’s worried, now, knowing that Louis was clearly blindsided by him being the performer. He feels like Louis didn’t want him, feels like he’s intruding.

“I’m really proud of you, Louis. That’s… incredible.” He knows he probably looks like a frog right now, can’t stop smiling, but he’s so proud of him. He can’t help it.

Louis smiles bashfully and thanks him. “It’s not easy being a drama teacher in this economy, ya know?” He laughs it off, but Harry can tell he’s genuinely worried. He doesn’t want to overwhelm Louis or himself, so he lets it go, determined to bring it up another time.

Harry laughs, shakes his head, and then brings up their past in a light way, hoping it’s not too much. “So, Zayn and Liam, huh? Do you remember back when we were in high school and we always used to tease them and say that they were gonna  end up together?” He laughs again, just pleased with this conversation. “Who knew we could predict the future?”

Louis laughs, loud and beautiful. “Oh my god, I know! I told them right after they told me they were officially together that we had called it for so long.” He’s still laughing as his last words come out. “They were so gross, Haz, you should’ve seen them!” Louis’ eyes widen and he looks like he didn’t mean to say it, but he coughs into his fist and blows it off.

Harry’s heart aches. It aches for himself and for the boy sitting across from him. He doesn’t want to think about the past right now, not when things have been going so well. He thinks it’s time to say goodnight, before he says something stupid. “I can imagine. I’m so happy for them, though. I’m glad it all worked out.”

Louis smiles softly and looks as if he’s stopping himself from saying something as well, so Harry checks the time, realizes he’s been there for quite a while, and tells Louis he should probably get going. “Wow, I didn’t realize how late it was… I should probably be heading back to my hotel soon.” He ends the sentence on a yawn, and then truly feels how tired he is.

Louis nods in agreement. “Yeah, I have to be up early to get to the school so I should probably be heading out, too. Did you drive? Are you staying close?” He gets a lovely blush on his cheeks, like he didn’t mean to ask, but doesn’t care enough to correct it.

“I didn’t drive but I’m staying pretty close so I’ve been choosing to walk everywhere instead of calling a car.”

Louis looks like he has more to say, but instead he just nods his head and then stands to leave. Harry follows suit, and they both say goodbye to a smirking Zayn who has finally decided to make an appearance and stop spying on them. He holds the door for Louis, and they make their way out of the diner, stopping out front to stand and just smile at each other like a bunch of loons. He feels giddy, carefree, and maybe a bit like his younger self. Just as Harry’s about to say goodbye, Louis pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. He freezes at first, his body not used to being this close to Louis’ in so long. After a few seconds he relaxes before squeezing back, hoping he can indicate a bit of an apology with his tight grip on his ex-lover’s waist. He wants to spin Louis around, just like old times, and the thoughts racing through his head are enough to break his heart. Harry wishes it would never end, that he’d never again have to leave without the warmth of his embrace.

When Louis finally lets go, he smiles softly at Harry, and then grabs one of his curls, mentioning the length. “You’re not the curly boy I knew all those years ago, Haz. Your hair isn’t as springy as it used to be.” He rushes to correct himself, and Harry is endeared because Louis’ always said things before he thinks them through. “Not that I don’t like your hair now! Because I do, it looks really good, but the springy curls will always hold a special place in my heart.” Louis smiles at him, and Harry doesn’t think he’s imagining the sparkles in his eyes.

Harry can feel the blush rising from his neck, to his cheeks, all the way to the tips of his ears. “Thanks, Lou.” He can’t stop smiling, he feels like an idiot, can’t think of anything else to say. _Pull it together, Styles._

Louis says goodbye and starts walking to his car, but he hesitates before turning back around. “Hey, Harry? Um, would you want to  get together tomorrow? Maybe at the park where the concert is being held? Just to go over some things. Catch up a bit?”

Harry never thought those would be the words to come out of Louis’ mouth. He rushes to answer him, worried if he waits too long Louis will change his mind. “Yes! I mean, uh, yeah, of course. I think that’s a great idea. Do you still have the same number? I can text you in the morning.”

Louis shakes his head and says, “Actually, I changed my number a few years ago. Here,” he hands Harry his phone, “put your number in and I’ll text you so you’ve got mine.”

Harry takes the phone, types in his number, and then ponders what he should put his name as. He settles just for _Styles,_ and if Louis wants to change it, he can. Handing his phone back, he tells Louis what a nice time he had. “I enjoyed seeing you, Louis. Let me know when you’ve made it home safely, yeah?”

Louis nods, tells Harry he’ll text him when he gets home, and then gets in his car and drives away. Harry can see Zayn still smirking at him through the window of the diner, and he flips him off and starts laughing before he starts his walk to the hotel.

When he gets to his hotel room, he texts Niall to let him know that he needs to speak with him.

_NIALL._

_ARE YOU AWAKE_

_Okay, I guess you’re sleeping. I have some news. We need to talk. Meet me in the hotel cafe at 9:30, not a minute later._

_Oh yeah, and Ni? Thank you. Xx_

He sets his phone on the nightstand and heads off to the bathroom to take a quick shower before he falls asleep. When he returns, he sees that Niall never replied, but there is a new text from a number he doesn’t recognize. His heart speeds up as he opens the message.

_Unknown: Hey, frog-boy. It’s me. I’m at my apartment now. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. -L. x_

He feels like a little kid, so giddy over a simple message. _Frog-boy._ It’s been so long since he’s heard that name. He doesn’t want to keep Louis waiting so he hurries and writes a response.

_Glad you made it home safely. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow as well. Night, Lou. -H. X_

With a smile on his face and his heart feeling lighter than it has in years, Harry falls asleep, dreaming of the boy with the baby blue eyes and a smile so bright it could rival the sun.

When Harry wakes up, he feels amazing. The sun is shining through his window and he feels like he could fly. He checks his phone, seeing a message from Niall with a simple ‘ _okay weirdo, see you then’_ and a string of curious eye emojis. He chuckles to himself, knowing that his best friend is going to  freak out when Harry tells him of his late night rendezvous. Realizing it’s already nine o’clock, he hurries to get himself ready, settling on wearing a maroon sweater and light blue skinny jeans with his Gucci sneakers. _Good enough._ He wonders if Louis will like it, remembering that when they were younger, Louis always said he loved Harry in maroon because it made the green of his irises shine like the green of the sea after a storm. Before he gets too emotional, he shakes himself out of whatever Louis-induced haze he was beginning to fall into, grabs his wallet and keys, and bolts out the door. The ride down to the cafe is a quiet one, the only other person in the elevator an elderly woman. Once the elevator stops, the woman turns to him and says, “I like the color of your sweater. It brings out your eyes.” With a soft smile and a _“thank you,”_ he waves goodbye to the woman and heads to find his best friend, sure to be already eating without him. _Guess the sweater works, then._

He spots Niall in a back corner, munching away on some cereal with two other plates of food beside him. Harry rolls his eyes fondly before grabbing himself some breakfast and then joining Niall at their table.

Niall looks up at Harry and squints his eyes suspiciously. “You’re glowing. Why are you glowing?”

Harry’s blushing, he knows it, he can’t ever hide anything from Niall. “Um, I may have went to the diner last night? And talked to Zayn for a bit? AndthenLouiscameinandwetalkedandI’mhangingoutwithhimtoday.” He takes a breath, relieved to have it out there. Niall doesn’t look convinced though.

“Okay, Harry, _what the fuck.”_ Niall’s laughing at him, but Harry expects it. “I’ve never heard you talk so fast in your life!” More cackles. “What did you even say? You caught up with Zayn, good, but what came after that? Don’t be embarrassed, Haz, you know you can tell me anything.”

Taking a deep breath, Harry calmly tells Niall, “Louis came in to the diner last night. It was awkward at first, but then it was fine, we laughed and joked for quite awhile. No real serious topics were discussed, however he _did_ mention that he’s the drama teacher and set up this whole concert thing, even though he didn’t know who he could get to perform.” Harry gives Niall a _look,_ one that he hopes conve _ys ‘I know what you did,_ _  
_ _I’m not mad, I’m kind of happy.’_

It clearly doesn’t work because Niall looks sheepish and says, “I’m sorry, Harry.” But before he can continue, Harry stops him and tells him it’s alright, he isn’t angry, but grateful.

Niall nods while he takes another bite. Harry continues telling Niall the details. “Um, and Louis hugged me when we separated? And gave me his number?” Niall looks giddy and it’s kind of making Harry nauseous. “And then he asked me if I wanted to meet up for a bit today?” His voice gets high when he’s nervous and he really hates that right now. “Oh, and when he texted me, he called me Frog-boy and I may have freaked out a little.” Harry shoves food in his mouth so he stops talking.

Niall’s beaming at him by the time he’s done talking. “Harry, that’s wonderful! I’m happy for you, man. Are you meeting him then?” Niall squints his eyes and says, “Of course you are, you’re wearing maroon. You aren’t slick, Harry.” And then Niall’s cackling again, drawing attention to himself by onlookers in the cafe.

Harry rolls his eyes, tells Niall to shove it, and they continue to eat in a peaceful silence. Niall breaks it though, because of course he does, when he says, “Are you good, Harry? I know you can do it… but I also saw how you reacted to seeing him the other day. Do you want me to go with you?”

Harry swallows his food and shakes his head. “I’m okay, Ni. I can do it, just… maybe have your phone on you? In case something happens?” He’s getting nervous again and he really needs to shake himself out if it.

His best friend smiles at him, “Of course. I’ve got you, always, okay? Don’t forget that.” Harry smiles back and nods at him, assuring him he knows Niall is always there for him. Niall continues, “I actually have to run though, I’m meeting Zi and Li today, heading to their place to give them some marketing advice.” He winks at Harry, downs the last of his orange juice and heads out of the cafe. Right before he gets out the door he turns around and shouts, “Go get him, tiger!”, and Harry can hear him laughing until he makes it out of the lobby.  Harry laughs and shakes his head. He loves his best friend, but he can be such a menace.

After cleaning up his breakfast, he heads back to his room to make sure his hair looks okay, kind of nervous after Louis made a comment about it. _Maybe he should put it up? Yeah, a bun will work._ He swiftly shakes his hair out and then throws it in a bun, a few soft tendrils curling down by his ears and the base of his neck. _Perfect._

He sends Louis a text, wanting to touch base with him about their plans.

_Morning, Louis. I’m ready whenever you are, just give me a time and I’ll be there. -H_

He busies himself with tidying up his room, and is surprised when his phone pings less than a minute later.

_Louis Tomlinson: Hey, H. I actually have a free period at 12, I like to spend my time at the park where the show is. And then my lunch break runs 1:30-2:00, so if you want to  meet me there around 12? We could chat and then grab a bite to eat before I head back. See you soon. -L x_

He’s grateful Louis can’t see him about to split his cheeks with how hard he’s smiling. He’s so excited to see him again.

_Sure thing! Can’t wait. -H x_

He sets his phone down, continuing to clean, trying to keep himself busy for the next hour and a half until he meets Louis. He tidies up, eventually deems it well enough, and then sits down to call his sister. He’d like to speak with her, just to check in and say hello.

Gemma answers on the third ring sounding chipper as ever. _“Hiiii Harry. What’s up?”_

“Hiii Gems. Not much, just wanted to say hello, see how you’re doing?”

He can hear Gemma’s smile when she responds. _“I’m good. I’m actually at brunch right now with Michal.”_

 _Who the hell is Michal?_ “Hey, Gems, not to be an ass or anything but uh, who the hell is Michal?”

Gemma laughs, loud and bright, and Harry can’t help but smile. “He’s my boyfriend, you nut. I promise you can meet him before you head back to New York, okay?”

Harry smiles, glad his sister has found someone that seems to make her happy. “Okay, that’ll work. Hey! Why don’t you bring him to the concert? I mean, if he likes that kind of thing.” Harry is suddenly nervous. _What if his sister’s boyfriend doesn’t like him? Or his music? He doesn’t want to make anything more awkward than it has been already._

Gemma laughs into the receiver. _“Sure thing, Haz. He’s actually a fan, so you can stop worrying. I know how you are.”_

Harry laughs too, his nerves over Gemma’s boyfriend dissipating. “Okay, okay, good. I’ll let you get back to your date, I just wanted to say hello.”

_“Okay, Harry. You should come to mom’s tomorrow, yeah? I’ll make dinner.”_

Harry loves his family. “Sounds amazing, Gem. Text me the details. Love you.”

Before the line goes dead, Gemma says, _“Love you too, bro. Glad to have you back.”_

Checking the time on his phone, he realizes he still has about thirty minutes before he has to leave to meet Louis. He opens up his Twitter app, deciding to post something cryptic, knowing his fans love it when he does.

_@Harry_Styles: Won’t stop to surrender._

As soon as the tweet is posted, his twitter floods with notifications, so he backs out of the app and decides to post a photo on Instagram, too. It’s been too long since he’s posted. Opening the app, he decides to post an old photo from his last tour, one in which he’s holding a rainbow flag and the crowd is shining around him.

_@harrystyles: Can’t wait to get back on tour. Miss you all. Love you. H. Xx_

Just like Twitter, his Instagram blows up. He decides that’s enough social media for today, preferring to stick to this real-life interaction he’s got to get to. Then he gets a text from Niall

_Ni: Good posts, H! Have fun with Lou. Try not to stress too much, wrinkles don’t look good for photo shoots ;) see you later!_

He laughs and sends a reply.

_Thanks, Ni. See you later x_

_PS- you have more wrinkles than me, weirdo_

He checks his hair one last time and heads out the door after making sure he’s got his wallet, phone, and room key. He’s got about a twenty minute walk, so he should be there right on time. He plugs in his headphones, picks a random feel-good playlist on Spotify, and takes off. He’s nervous, but he’s more excited than anything.

When he finally gets to the park, he spots Louis before Louis sees him. He looks _breathtaking._ He’s wearing dark jeans rolled at the ankles, black Vans, a black shirt, and a dark jacket with red plaid on the inside. Harry’s happy to see his styled fringe, as it was always his favorite hairstyle on Louis. He stares at him for a moment, lost in his beauty. When he snaps out of it, he sees Louis staring right back at him, a puzzled look on his face. Harry raises his hand, waves a little, and walks over to the bench where Louis has. _Here we go,_ he thinks.

“Hi, Harry.”

Harry smiles. “Hi, Lou. How are you doing today?”

Louis looks up from his papers to give Harry a tentative smile. “I’m good. It’s been a good morning so far. How are you?”

“I’m good. I had breakfast with Niall today and had a nice chat with my sister so I can’t complain.” Leaning over the table to see what Louis’ got, he asks, “Whatcha workin’ on?”

Louis slides the papers over, giving Harry a better view. “Oh, nothing much. Just finalizing stuff for the concert. We have everything done already, I just want to go over everything and make sure there’s no bumps.” He smiles and Harry can’t help the butterflies that erupt in his tummy. Louis’ smile was always one of his favorite things.

“Oh, sick. I’m so excited for this! I really hope it makes a difference. I can’t understand why they’d want to cut the programs.”

Louis eyes turn a darker shade of blue and his face hardens a bit. “I don’t really get it either. They claim that funding is low, but the sports teams all just got new uniforms and equipment.” He heaves a deep sigh. “Don’t get me wrong, you know I love sports, but it just isn’t fair. The teachers all supply their students with what they’ll need out of their own pockets. They’re just looking for excuses.”

Harry’s… kind of pissed. He didn’t realize this was their excuse for getting rid of the Arts programs. _Fucking bullshit._ “I didn’t know it was such a shit reason. Hopefully this concert is just what they need to pull their heads out of their asses.”

Louis smiles at him, clearly thinking something is funny. “What’s funny, Lou?”

Louis giggles at him. _What a beautiful sound._ Harry could listen to it on repeat every day for the rest of his life. _“_ Nothing’s funny, not really. I just like how passionate you are about it. It means a lot to me, ya know? Not just to me, but to everyone, that you’d come back here for a tiny high school.”

Harry’s contemplating how much he wants to give away right now. He goes to ruffle his hair before he remembers it’s in a bun. _Oops._ “It’s not just a tiny high school, though. It’s this town in general, I guess? I came back for the people, too. All the people in this town mean so much to me, whether I’ve shown it or not. It’s long overdue that I came back. If coming back here means I get to help out the school that helped me so much in the process, then that’s just a bonus.”

Louis kind of looks uncomfortable. Harry knows he probably shouldn’t have said anything, not this soon anyway, but he wanted to put himself out there a little. He wanted to give Louis a hint that whenever he’s ready to talk, Harry will tell him everything. Louis starts gathering his papers now, and Harry worries that he’s messed up already. Before he can really start fretting, though, Louis says,  with a teasing smile on his face, “I’m starving. Wanna buy me lunch, rockstar?”

Harry can’t say no to that, not in a million years. He smiles back, deadpans a “Haha,” and then tells Louis to pick a place to go. They start walking, and Harry doesn’t even bother asking where they’re going. He knows Louis won’t steer him wrong.

Walking down the street with Louis is… kind of exhilarating. Especially because they’re walking down the same streets they used to travel on as kids. Every minute or so, his arm bumps into Louis’ and he’s not sure if it’s on purpose or not, but he doesn’t really care. He feels electricity running through him every time it happens and wonders for the millionth time if the spark hasn’t died between them.

Not even five minutes later, they come upon a place that Harry has so many memories of. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that this is where Louis finally asked him to officially be his boyfriend. _It’s just a cheap pizza shop. It doesn’t mean anything._ “Louis! You brought me to Napoli’s? This was always my favorite pizza place!” Harry has to stop himself from doing something stupid like hugging Louis just for taking him to a damn pizza shop.

Louis smirks at him and touches his fringe. _Okay, he’s nervous, too._ “I figured you’d enjoy it. I will say one thing though, I may or may not eat pineapple on my pizza, and if you say anything negative about it I will walk right out.” He’s laughing so Harry knows he isn’t serious.

Harry’s laugh bubbles out of him, “Don’t worry, so do I!” He finally stops chuckling, “Niall gives me shit for it all the time.” Louis laughs back, but no other response is really necessary.

Sitting in the booth, he gets hit with nostalgia, of being with this same boy, in this same place, many years ago, but not much feels different. He’s still smitten, knows he looks like a fool, but he can’t care, not when Louis is smiling at him the way he is.

“Alright, Haz. Pineapple pizza? Any breadsticks?”

Harry contemplates for a minute. “Anything is fine with me! Whatever you want, Lou. It’s my treat so get anything you want.”

Louis rolls his eyes at him and tries to hide his smile. “Yeah, yeah, rockstar, whatever you say.”

They make smalltalk, chatting about Louis’ siblings, Louis’ job, and Harry’s life basically living on the road. It feels nice, being able to just have a conversation with Louis. Harry’s missed him a lot more than he originally thought. Not even as his partner, just as his friend. He’s so lucky to be sitting here right now, and he needs Louis to know. He needs to think of a way to have a serious conversation with him at some point, he just doesn’t know how to breach the topic. He’ll talk to Niall and then text Louis about meeting up sometime later.

Once the food comes out, they realize they need to eat kind of quickly if Louis wants to get back to work on time. They don’t speak during the meal, just make silly faces at each other while they finish their food. Harry walks Louis back to the school, and when he turns to walk away, Louis hugs him, tells him how great it was to catch up, and that he’ll talk to him later. Harry hugs him back, never wanting to let go. He watches Louis go inside, and only when he can’t see him anymore does he turn around and walk the other direction back to his hotel.

The rest of Harry’s afternoon is filled with meetings about the show, silly texts from Louis, and a suit-fitting. He ends his night on a positive note, telling Louis lame-ass knock knock jokes through text, and then falling asleep halfway through a reply. He dreams of two lovers, nothing detailed about them but the auras that surround them. One an emerald green, one a bright baby blue.

When Harry wakes up, he feels refreshed. His phone is still in his hand, and he’s got an abundance of messages from Louis, one from his mom, one from his sister, and one from Niall. He checks Louis’ first.

_Louis Tomlinson: Wow, good joke._

_Louis Tomlinson: Was that rude? Sorry if that was rude, I was just teasing. I think you fell asleep…_

_Louis Tomlinson: HARRY_

_Louis Tomlinson: HAZZA_

_Louis Tomlinson: FROG BOY_

_Louis Tomlinson: Alright, I can take a hint. I’ll go to bed_

_Louis Tomlinson: :)_

_Louis Tomlinson: I’ve got a busy day tomorrow, but I hope you’ll keep me company with your texts. It might be busy but it’ll probably be boring until the evening. G’night, Haz. Sleep tight. Don’t drool too much on the pillow! X_

Harry’s smiling so hard his face hurts. He texts Louis to tell him good morning, and that he’s sorry for falling asleep. Next he opens the message from Niall.

_Ni: Hey, H! Wanna grab lunch? I don’t have any meetings or anything today and I’ve basically finished my part in this whole thing. Wanna talk to you a bit more about this Louis thing. Call me when ya wake up :)_

He doesn’t bother replying, he’ll call Niall after his shower.

The message from his mom is simple, asking him to come over for dinner and to bring Niall if he’d like. He smiles, replies a quick _‘We’ll be there! See you :)’_ and then checks the last message from his sister.

_Gems: Michal is coming to dinner with me at mom’s tonight. Don’t be a brat ;) love you!_

He texts her back, telling her that he is a saint and would do no such thing, and then dials Niall. They make plans to meet in the lobby at twelve to go grab lunch, so Harry decides he’s going to  pamper himself since he still has a few hours. He takes another lavender bath, does a face mask, and even does a hair treatment. He feels great when he emerges from the bathroom two hours later, ready to take on the day. He chooses to wear black skinnies, a yellow sweater, and his favorite Chelsea boots. He still has some time to kill, so he sits on the couch in his room and opens up Twitter. Before he can do anything, he gets a new message from Louis and opens it embarrassingly fast.

_Louis Tomlinson: Hey, sleepy head! Whatcha up to today? I’ve got meetings all day but then I get to go have dinner with Lottie and Tommy, her boyfriend. Gonna be a boring morning, hope you’ll keep me entertained! :) x_

He smiles and nods before he realizes Louis can’t see him. _Dumbass._ He texts him back, hoping he doesn’t sound like a weirdo.

_Of course I’ll keep you company Lou. :) I’ve got rehearsals this afternoon, but not much before or after. Tommy, hmm? Would I approve of him? Lottie’s too young to be dating!!_

He kind of regrets the message after he sends it but there’s not much he can do now. He’ll just head to the lobby to meet Niall, pretend he isn’t a super freaking weirdo, and then wait for Louis’ response.

They’re half way through lunch when Niall brings him up. “Sooo, Haz… How’s Louis?”

Harry doesn’t hear him at first, too busy staring at his phone, waiting for a reply from Louis, so Niall starts snapping in his face. “What? Oh, sorry. Umm, he’s good? I think? I might have said something that made him uncomfortable today so I’m kind of distracted waiting for him to text me back.”

Niall reaches over and snatches Harry’s phone, reads the message, and says, “Nah, I don’t think you made him uncomfortable. It’s not really anything too intense, ya know? He’s probably just busy.” As soon as Niall finishes his sentence, Harry’s phone pings with a new message, quickly followed by two more. Niall smirks at him, but Harry’s not going to  acknowledge that, not yet.

_Louis Tomlinson: I think you’d approve, he’s a good dude! She’s literally an adult now, Harry *laugh emoji*_

_Louis Tomlinson: Sorry it took me so long to reply! I walked out of my classroom for another meeting and left my phone on my desk_

_Louis Tomlinson: We’re breaking for lunch now though, what’re you up to?_

Harry replies quickly, _Realistically I know she’s an adult, but in my mind she’s still a kid. Bummer about your phone! But at least you have it now. Anything good for lunch? I’m actually at lunch with Niall right now :)_

He figures that’s a good enough reply, sets his phone down, and when he looks up at Niall he wishes he never would have looked away from his phone. _Here we go._

Niall has a shit-eating-grin on his face and Harry knows what’s coming before he says it. “Oooooh, was that Louis? You’re smiling like a loon!” Harry kind of wants to hit him and then shove a roll in his mouth to get him to stop cackling so loud.

Harry rolls his eyes. “You already know the answer to that question. Leave me alone.” He  doesn’t mean that, doesn’t know what he’d actually do if he didn’t have Niall.

Niall laughs some more, and then even more. Harry doesn’t know why he thinks it’s so funny, but he lets it go. Their food comes out and Niall asks Harry all about his and Louis’ day yesterday, if it was awkward, what they did, what they’ve talked about, so on and so forth. Harry fills him in, lets him know what they did, and tells him what they’ve talked about.

Niall has a soft smile on his face, but something about the look makes Harry uneasy. “Haz… I think it’s great, ya know? I’m really happy that you and Louis have connected, but… I don’t know.” He pauses to clearly gather his thoughts and Harry probably won’t like where this is about to go. “Are you guys just gonna  pretend like the last however many years didn’t happen? You two need to have a conversation about it, you can’t just let it go.”

He knows Niall’s right, but that doesn’t mean he wants to talk about it. He sighs, “I know, Niall. We’ll get there. This is still fresh, I don’t want to rush anything. It’s so new, ya know?”

Niall looks contemplative, sliding  his empty plate away before answering. “I know, Harry, but… is it really new, though?” He pauses, looks like he’s trying to come up with what to say next. “You  also don’t want to get comfortable with the way things are and then have this big, important conversation and then probably make it tense again. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” He shakes his head and Harry really hates how disappointed Niall looks right now.

“I know, Ni. We’ll talk. I’ll see if he wants to meet up tomorrow, okay? I’d do it today but he’s super busy and I have rehearsals and then dinner at my mom’s. Which you’re invited to, by the way.” He smiles, trying to lighten the now dampered mood.

Niall smiles right back and Harry feels a little more at ease. “Alright. I’ll be there for you, okay? When and if you need me, I’m there. Now, tell me more about this dinner… Is Anne cooking?”

Harry laughs at his always-hungry, food vacuum of a best friend. “Yes, she’s cooking, no I don’t know what, so don’t even ask.”

Nialls laughs, loud and bright, one of the best sounds to lift Harry’s spirits. Checking his phone, he realizes they’re going to  be late for rehearsals. _Whoops._ “Niall! We’ve gotta go or we’re gonna  be late!”

Niall apparently doesn’t believe him because he checks the time on his watch and then scrambles to get out of the booth. “Let’s go, Haz! We’ll be late!” And then he runs out of the restaurant while Harry apologizes to the other patrons in the place for his embarrassing friend.

Pulling up to the park, Harry feels the butterflies erupt in his tummy. He gets out, takes a picture of the stage set-up that wasn’t there yesterday, and sends it to Louis. He hopes it’ll make him smile.

Louis’ reply is almost instant.

_Louis Tomlinson: Looks amazing! Can’t wait to see you up there, rockstar! ;)_

Harry just replies with a few smiley faces, worried if he says anything more than that he’ll say something to scare him off.

Niall jumps on his back and yells in his ear to get moving, so Harry pockets his phone and then takes off running toward their makeshift backstage area. Niall’s cackling in his ear and Harry is _so_ happy he feels like he’s going to  explode. When they get to the back, Harry sets up and then it’s time to start singing. They start off with _Ever Since New York._ He sings it a few times, wanting to get it right because there’s definitely some significance behind it. Next, he sings _Sign of the Times,_ and feels like he nailed it on the first go. It’s a long song, but he practices a few more times just to make sure everything is right. He sings _Kiwi_ next, and he has a crowd forming now, so he knows he needs to hurry and sing his last song so they can head out. His final choice is _Two Ghosts._ He doesn’t want to think about the reason he wrote this song, doesn’t want to imagine what could happen after he sings it. Once he’s done with the song, Niall comes running up to him to tell him that they’ve gotta go.

“Too many people are here now, Haz. We’ve already been here a few hours and the crowd is just getting bigger. We don’t have your security here yet so we should probably head back to the hotel.”

Harry quickly agrees and he grabs his things so they can head out. They stop so he can take pictures with a few fans and then they’re on their way to the hotel. He checks his phone and sees that Louis texted him an hour ago.

_Louis Tomlinson: That’s beautiful, Harry._

Harry’s breath catches in his throat, realizing Louis has probably seen a video of him singing. He doesn’t think about what the song could have been, even though he already knows. He quickly texts him back before laying his seat back and trying to calm down on the quick ride back to the hotel, trying not to regret the message he sent, hoping he hasn’t ruined everything.

_So are you. Thanks, Louis. x_

Arriving at the hotel, Harry asks Niall to come to his room to talk, and he’s really afraid of how the evening is going to  turn out. Sitting on the couch, he just kind of stares at Niall for a few minutes before he finds his voice.

“Why are we still friends?

Niall looks confused and a little hurt. “What do you mean, Harry?”

Harry sighs, frustrated with himself. He runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, why are you still around? I lost everyone, Ni, but not you. Why?” Harry’s frustration has already turned to tears.

Niall’s face turns from confusion to understanding in a matter of seconds. “I didn’t let you leave. Not for good.”

Harry’s full on crying now, can’t seem to get the tears to subside. “But why did _he_ Niall? Why didn’t he stop me? Why didn’t he come after me?” Harry’s knees hit the floor. He feels so beat down, so broken. Everything feels so freshly painful all over again.

Niall looks contemplative before he says, “It’s not his fault that you left.”

Harry tries to speak but Niall stops him before he can even catch his breath.

“Look, Harry. I’m going to  be honest with you. Maybe he didn’t feel like he had to prove anything for you to stay. Maybe he thought you just would. Because you loved each other.”

Harry knows he’s right, but it still feels like he has a knife in his chest. “I would have given up everything, Niall. Everything. All he had to do was ask.”

It’s now that Harry realizes Niall is about to walk out the door. “Talk to him, Harry. You need to sort your shit out.” He slams the door on his way out, leaving Harry sobbing with no idea what to do.

He wakes up half an hour later, realizing he must have fallen asleep from crying so hard. He’s still on the floor, and his phone is vibrating beside his head. He answers without even looking at the name.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Harry.” It’s Louis. Harry’s heart is racing and _fuck,_ he should have looked before blindly answering the phone. “Would you be able to come over tonight? Lottie canceled on me and I was wondering if you’d want to  come over and talk? I can cook us dinner or we could order something. Whatever you want.” He sounds nervous and Harry doesn’t like that.

He must take too long to respond because Louis starts to backtrack. “I mean, only if you want, I don’t want you to feel pressured. I’ve just been thinking a lot and I think we need to talk.”

Harry steadies his breathing and clears his throat before answering. “Um, yeah, that actually sounds pretty good. I’m gonna  get in the shower so text me your address and a time and I’ll be there.”

Louis’ voice still sounds nervous, but there’s a hint of relief when he says, “Okay, Harry. I’ll see you in awhile.” He hangs up before Harry has the chance to say anything. _Fuck._

Not a minute later, Harry receives a text with Louis’ address and a time. Six o’clock. So Harry has an hour and a half to worry himself half to death about what’s going to  happen. He needs to take a shower, make himself look presentable, and try to calm the fuck down.

After his shower, he stares at himself in the mirror, just now noticing the change in his face from just a few days of being around the people he’s loved and lost. His eyes look brighter, his forehead isn’t so pinched, and the dark circles that seem to always surround his eyes have faded. He knows he’s done the right thing being here, he’s just so afraid that being at Louis’, everything is going to  break again.

He texts Niall, letting him know their plans have changed and they won’t be going to  his mom’s for dinner. He doesn’t give him a reason, but he’s pretty sure he doesn’t need to. Niall responds with _‘Good luck’_ and nothing more, so Harry wonders if he’s talking to Louis, if he knows what this is about. He texts Gemma next, telling her that he won’t be coming to dinner but he’ll see them tomorrow to explain why. She replies and says she hopes everything is okay and that she’ll see him tomorrow. _I hope everything’s okay too,_ he thinks. He calls his mom next, thinking she deserves more than a text message.

She answers right away and she sounds so happy, Harry hates that he’s about to disappoint her yet again. “Harry, dear! I made your favorite for dinner tonight.” He can hear the smile in her voice and he really hates himself.

He coughs, trying to gain some composure before opening his mouth. “Hi, mom. About that… I’m not gonna  be able to come down tonight. I have some really important stuff that came up and if you give me time tomorrow I’ll explain it all, honest. I hate to do this, but I have to take care of some things tonight.”

His mom sighs, but answers in understanding. “It’s okay, Harry. Things come up, stuff happens.” Her voice changes a bit, showcasing an undertone of worry. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

He sighs, thinking of what he should say, not wanting to give anything away. Not yet. “Yeah, yeah, I’m alright, mom. I’m hoping I’ll be even better tonight. I’ve gotta run though, I’ll talk to you first thing in the morning, honest.”

He can hear the smile in her voice, although the sound comes out a little bit sad. “Okay, dear. Be nice to yourself, okay? I’ll talk to you in the morning. Love you.”

He rattles off a quick _‘love you, too’_ before he starts crying, hanging up the phone. His emotional axis is so fucked up right now he’s lucky to not be sobbing on the floor at this point.

He looks at the time, noting that he needs to call a car to take him to Louis’. As soon as that’s done, the reality of what’s happening smacks him right in the face. He worries that this dinner isn’t going to  go well. That he’s fucked everything up somehow. He worries that Louis won’t accept his apology, not really, and that they’ll never be able to mend the wounds of their past. He still loves Louis, he knows that, but he also knows that there’s no way Louis feels the same, not after all Harry has done.

He decides to go down to the lobby and wait because his room feels suffocating, not enough air in there for one person to breathe. As soon as he gets downstairs, he gets a notification that his car has arrived. Taking a deep breath, he steadies himself, tries to let all of his worry and anxieties stay behind him in this hotel, and then heads to the vehicle. He texts Louis when the car starts down the road, wanting to let him know what’s going on.

_Hey, Louis… I just left the hotel. Should be at yours in no time. Need me to bring anything?_

And while he waits, he panics. Maybe Louis changed his mind, maybe he doesn’t want him to come anymore. He doesn’t know why he can’t just _calm the fuck down._ He’s too busy fretting, almost doesn’t notice that Louis has replied.

_Louis Tomlinson: Just yourself, rockstar._

Pulling up to Louis’ apartment complex, Harry’s nerves go into overdrive. His whole body is _actually_ shaking. He rings the buzzer and Louis’ voice comes through, tinny and small. “‘Lo?”

“Hey Lou, it’s me.”

There’s no response, but a second later the buzzer goes off signaling the door unlocking. Harry steps inside, admiring the stone walls and how gorgeous it all is before he heads up the elevator to Louis’ floor. _Floor 4, apartment 28._

Standing outside of the door, he just wants to turn around and run away. He knows that he can’t, but that doesn’t stop him from being terrified of what’s going to  happen. He doesn’t know the outcome of tonight, but deep down, he knows it won’t be anything good. He raises his hand and knocks tentatively, hoping Louis takes a minute to answer the door so Harry can gather his thoughts. That doesn’t happen. Instead, Louis opens the door straight away, almost like he was standing there waiting for Harry’s knock.

Looking at Louis, all Harry can think is _soft._ Louis has on black Adidas track pants, a too-big crewneck that says _PSU_ on the front, and his fringe is soft, no product in it at all. He looks lovely, and Harry doesn’t feel bad now for wearing his own comfy clothes. It seems as if comfort was the mood for tonight, and instead of relaxing Harry it makes him more worried.

Louis’ staring at him and his eyes are sad. Harry doesn’t want Louis to look like that, not ever. He steps inside the doorway and slips his shoes off, waiting for Louis to give him some direction on where to go.

Louis seems to snap out of whatever it was he had going on in his head because he tells Harry to follow him, that they’ll do a tour of the place later. They end up in the kitchen. Whatever Louis is cooking smells amazing and Harry can’t wait to eat. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until all he could smell was food.

He sits down on the bar stool and watches Louis move swiftly around his kitchen. He looks so domestic it makes Harry’s heart clench. “Whatcha makin’? Need help with anything?”

Louis doesn’t bother looking at him. “No, thank you. All good. I’m making spinach stuffed chicken pockets and a homemade mashed potato. Almost done. There’s wine on the table if you’d like some.” He does turn to look at Harry this time, a small smile on his face.

Harry smiles back and pours himself a glass, not hesitating to take a sip the minute the liquid settles in his glass. _Maybe this will help,_ he thinks. _Nothing like some alcohol to calm your nerves._

A few minutes later, Louis is plating their food and inviting Harry to come eat in the living room. Harry grabs their wine glasses and the bottle and then follows Louis to the other room. It’s awkward, Harry won’t try to deny that, but he hopes things ease up soon. He doesn’t know if he can take a whole night of this. He hopes Louis isn’t uncomfortable, he should never feel that way in his own home. Harry takes a seat on the couch and then turns to Louis. “Are you okay, Louis? You seem… worried, or something?”

Louis bites his lip, clearly contemplating what to say to him. “I’m okay. I do have some things I want to talk to you about, but first, let’s eat. Tell me about rehearsals yesterday.”

Harry takes a bite of his food and then moans in appreciation. “Louis! This is delicious. You’ll have to lend me the recipe, my god.”

Louis laughs a little and he’s blushing so Harry takes it as a win. “Oh, stop ass-kissing, Styles. It’s not that good.” He rolls his eyes at Harry but he’s clearly trying to hide his smile.

Harry tells him about rehearsals and about the mob of people that showed up to watch. They laugh and joke around while they finish their meals, but once they’re done eating it gets awkward again. They’re both sitting on the couch, relaxed, sitting much the same with their feet tucked under them. Louis breaks the silence first.

“Harry, these past few days have been really nice, you know? It’s been good to see you, to catch up with you, but we can’t keep pretending that we don’t have a past.” He won’t look at Harry.

 _Okay, so we’re doing this._ “Louis, I.” He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair. “I know, okay? I know that I have a lot to make up for. I need to start out by saying that I’m sorry. I can’t change the past, but I can spend every single day apologizing to you, to try and make it up to you.” His heart is beating so fast he feels like it’s going to  beat out of his chest. “I fucked up.”

Before he can continue speaking, Louis stops him. He stands up and really looks at Harry, and Harry hates that he made him look this way. He looks so angry, so broken. “Harry, don’t give me the same bullshit you’ve given everyone else. Not me. You don’t just get to say your sorry and think everything is gonna  be okay!”

Harry stands now, too. He’s frustrated, can’t believe Louis would think that he assumes he’ll get off so easily. “I don’t want to just say I’m sorry and pretend everything is okay. I want to make it up to you, Louis!” His hair is knotted from how much he’s running his fingers through it. He throws it in a bun and continues. “I fucking loved you, Louis.” He can see the wall going up between them, Louis’ going to  shut down. _Too much, too soon._ “I only had Niall, Louis. He was the only person that didn’t let me go! I thought we were in it together. Why did you let me leave?!” He knows he’s pushing, but he feels like he’s breaking so maybe he needs Louis to break, too. “Why didn’t you come after me?” He’s sobbing now, can’t stop. He feels hot, his throat is scratchy, and his head is pounding from yelling and crying.

Louis has tears in his eyes when he looks at Harry and Harry feels his gaze like a punch in the gut. “You fucking _know_ that I loved you, Harry. I would have done anything for you!”

Harry rounds on him, effectively cutting Louis off, not yet ready to give up the fight. “I would have given up everything, Louis. _Everything._ All you had to do was ask.”

Louis snaps. Harry’s never seen him so angry. “Fuck you, Harry!” He’s got tears running down his face and Harry can slowly feel the fight leaving his own body. “I never would have done that and you fucking know it. You were everything to me, Harry. I chose the college that I did so I could stay here. With you! Do you even know how important that night was?”

He looks like he wants to stop talking. Harry hopes he continues. He knows whatever Louis is about to say is important, no matter how hard it is to hear. He watches the fight leave Louis’ body, and now he just looks broken and vulnerable. He curls in on himself, sitting on the couch before he starts talking again.

“I was going to  propose to you that night. To show you, and the world, how much you meant to me. To show you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But I sacrificed all of that, Harry. So you could leave me in the fucking dirt like someone who didn’t matter to you. Not one bit.” He breathes a heavy sigh, the tears still flowing freely down his face. “I was humiliated and heartbroken. I knew it was the end, Harry. That you were going away without any intention of coming back. I couldn’t bare to hurt you, to tell you, because your eyes were so bright, so full of life, Harry. I couldn’t take that away from you.”

Harry can’t breathe. He can’t believe what he’s done. How bad he’s hurt the most important person in his life. He can’t bare to look at Louis, not when he’s sitting there so broken, so hurt, all because of Harry’s mistakes. So he leaves. He makes sure he has everything in his pockets and takes off, straight out Louis’ door. He can’t breathe, no matter how hard he struggles. When he makes it outside, he collapses, crying harder than he ever has in his life. A mantra of _what the fuck did I do?_ swirling around in his head. He needs to escape himself and get of his head.

He runs.  He keeps running until his lungs burn and he’s cried so much that his eyes are practically swollen shut. When he finally stops running, he realizes that he’s ended up at his mom’s house. He doesn’t remember how he got here, doesn’t remember when it started raining, just that he feels like he’s going to  pass out if he doesn’t get inside soon.

He knocks on the door and when his mom opens it, she immediately wraps him in a hug. “Oh Harry, what’s happened?”

He can’t speak, just continues to cry and shakes his head at his mother. His whole body is shivering, he needs to lie down. His mom ushers him inside and up the stairs, leading him into the bathroom. “Take a warm shower, my love. Your room is still the same, so once you’re out you can go right to sleep and we’ll talk in the morning, okay?” He nods at his mom and she kisses his forehead before she leaves him on his own.

He spends an hour in the shower, letting the hot water clear his foggy mind. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s lost and broken. He feels horrible. When he goes into his childhood room, he finds that his mother has set some clothes out for him. He chuckles a little, knowing that the clothes won’t be the greatest fit, but it’s better than nothing. He’s so thankful for her. When he climbs into bed and puts his arm under his pillow, he feels something soft, and his heart stutters in his chest. He pulls out a sweater, a worn lavender sweater that Louis always used to steal from him. He balls it up and cries himself to sleep, face tucked into the soft lavender material, blue eyes haunting his dreams.

When Harry wakes up, he feels like he’s been hit by a bus. His throat is sore, his eyes are still swollen, and that long run he took last night didn’t do anything to help his aching body. He crawls out of bed and sees that his mom must have washed his clothes from last night. They’re sitting in the chair beside his bed with a bottle of water and some painkillers. That woman is a saint. He downs the medicine, hoping to get some relief from everything that’s sore. Changing into his freshly washed clothes, he heads downstairs and sees his mom and Gemma both sitting at the table. _Time to talk, I guess._ They both tentatively smile at him, like they’re afraid they’re going to  spook him. He hates that he’s let his mom see him the way she did, but he knows it’s time to fill them in on what’s been going on.

He tells them about the gas station, about running into Louis for the first time. He talks about Liam and Zayn, about the diner, and about the times he’s met up with Louis. He tells them about last night, about the harsh things they said to each other. When he’s done talking, all three of them are in tears. Just being in their presence is enough to make him feel a little better, so grateful that they didn’t turn their backs on him.

“I love you both, so much. I’m so sorry.”

His mom and Gemma both tell him it’s okay, that time heals everything, and that they’re glad he’s back and being honest with himself. After a light breakfast and a warm cup of coffee, Harry dismisses himself to go lay down, his mom and sister sending him on his way with sympathetic eyes.

He shuts his phone off, not bothering to check any of his notifications. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, doesn’t think he could bare to see Louis’ name flashing on his phone. He sleeps for an hour, too anxious in his own skin to rest any longer. He thinks about the last few days, about how much has happened. He makes a decision then, to start fresh. A means to an end, a new beginning. Running down the stairs, he finds his mom and Gemma sitting on the couch.

He knows he probably looks like he’s lost his mind but he really needs Gemma’s help. “Gems, how long are you staying for?”

She has a funny look on her face, like maybe she knows Harry has something planned. “Um, I can stay as long as you need me to? I’m off for the next few days. What’s up, Haz?”

He smiles at her and then kisses her on the forehead. Moving to the other end of the couch he kisses his mom’s forehead as well. “I’m borrowing your car for a bit, Gem! I’ll be back. Love you both!” He snatches Gemma’s keys off the table and takes off out the door. _Time to make some changes, time to make things right._

When he arrives at his destination, his body is thrumming with energy. He’s so excited to do this. It’ll be different, sure, but he’s happy about it. It feels necessary, inevitable. _Everyone needs change, right?_

He gets himself signed in and waits for his name to be called. He can’t believe he’s actually about to do this. He didn’t tell anyone, not even Niall. He’s going to  be pissed. Harry laughs to himself. He can’t wait to see the look on Niall’s face when he sees. His name gets called a few minutes later, and he doesn’t hesitate before going for it. He tells the woman exactly what he wants, and she gets to work.

Forty-five minutes later, and he’s now holding a braid of long, lifeless hair. His long locks are no longer his; they’re going to  be donated to charity. He feels… _refreshed._ It’s short, that’s for sure, shorter than he ever thought it would be again. But he loves it. He shakes out his hair, feeling no movement on his neck, curls no longer whipping him in the face. _How liberating._ He thanks his stylist, leaves her a hefty tip, and heads back home.

He realizes his phone’s still off and that he hasn’t talked to Niall in almost twenty-four hours. _He’s probably worried. And a little pissed,_ he thinks. When he gets back to his childhood home, nobody is there. There’s a note from his mom on the table.

_Harry,_

_We tried calling you, but your phone was off. I hope you’ve accomplished whatever it was you wanted to do today. We’re out getting groceries, we’ll be back by 4. See you in awhile._

_Love you,_

_Mom and Gem_

While his family is away, Harry decides to take a shower and a nap, trying to keep thoughts of last night out of his head. He plugs in his phone, figuring with the concert being tomorrow he should probably touch base with Niall tonight, and then he passes out. Again. He’s so tired.

Harry is startled awake two hours later by Niall yelling at him and pounding on his bedroom door. “Harry, I know you’re in there! Open this damn door right now before I break it down!”

He feels like shit. He knows he should have gotten in contact with Niall sooner. He yells from his spot cocooned in his blanket, “It’s not locked, just come in!”

Niall looks angry. _Oh no._ “Harry where the fuck have you been?! And what the fuck happened to your hair?!”

Harry freaks out for a second, reaches up to touch his hair before he remembers that he chopped it all off. He gives Niall a shy smile and says, “It was time for a change. I needed it, Niall. Do you like it?”

Niall smiles at him, always reassuring. “I love it, Haz. It looks great. It’s just… a shock to the system.” He chuckles a bit. “Care to fill me? Since nobody has been able to get ahold of you?” He raises his eyebrows and Harry knows he’s in for a scolding.

Harry doesn’t really want to get into all of the details, he’s still too hurt by the words that were thrown around, the emotional wound still too fresh, still stinging. He sighs and looks at his best friend, hoping he will understand what happened by Harry’s short summary. “Long story short, I was at Louis’ last night and we...got into it.  Big fight. He…told me he was going to propose to me. Did you know?” He feels tears prick in the back of his eyes. “We both said some things to hurt each other last night, Niall. I’m still in love with him.” A single tear rolls down his cheek and he hurries to catch it, doesn’t want to cry anymore. “He has to know. That I love him, I mean. After last night though… I doubt he’ll want to  see me again. He probably won’t even come to the show.”

Niall’s face turns apologetic and he looks like he has so much to say but can’t find the words. “I’m sorry, Harry. I did know, about the proposal. I thought you two were it for each other. I still do. You both need to work on things, but I think you’re gonna  need be the one to tell him how you feel this time.”

Harry nods in understanding and then climbs off the bed to wrap his best friend in a hug. “Thanks, Niall. I know I say this a lot, but I really don’t know what I would do without you.”

Niall squeezes him tighter and neither of them talk for a few minutes. Harry collects himself while Niall wanders around his old room looking at the things that haven’t changed even after all these years.

They head downstairs and Harry’s mom drops a tea mug when she sees Harry for the first time since this morning. He and Niall both promptly burst into laughter and then help Anne clean up the mug. He’s still chuckling at her reaction when he says, “Like it? It was time for a change.”

Anne has tears in her eyes and just stares at him for a minute. “You look just like my baby who left all those years ago. I’m so glad to have you back, Harry.”

He smiles at his mom and wraps her in a hug. He tells her he needs to go, that he has to prep for the show and that he’ll see her tomorrow. She sends a goodie-bag of snacks for Niall for the car ride even though it’s only about a twenty minute drive. It’s good to _be_ back.

When they get to the hotel, Niall wordlessly follows Harry to his room, and it’s only when they’re standing in the middle of his suite that Harry notices Niall is holding an envelope.

Niall takes a seat and Harry follows suit. “Look, Harry. I know I told you back at your mom’s that you’re gonna  need to tell Louis how you feel.”

Harry cuts him off. “I don’t think Louis wants to see me, Niall. Especially not now. Probably not ever.”

Niall gives him a _look._ One that basically tells him to shut the hell up. “I think we’ve established your bad track record of knowing what Louis wants, Harry.” _Ouch._  He pauses, looking like he’s really contemplating his next words. “I wrote something the other day, it’s kind of why I’ve not been around.” He sighs before continuing. “I want you to debut it at the concert, Harry. I was inspired by two of my closest friends who have a lot of love but they’ve _both_ fucked up.” He looks nervous and Harry doesn’t want him to be, not when Niall is so talented, not when Harry knows that he couldn’t ask for a better manager and friend.

Harry looks over the song titled _This Town._ The lyrics are heartbreaking, beautiful, and exactly what he needs. “Thank you, Niall. This is… incredible. How can I ever repay you for this?”

Niall smirks at him. “By getting your head out of your ass.” He cackles. “No, but really. As long as you find your happiness, I’m okay. And if a song I wrote gets that for you, I’d write you a million more. You’re my best friend, Harry. That’s what I’m here for. And you’re in love with my other best friend. I’m involved whether you two like it or not.”

Harry loves his best friend. He plants a wet kiss right on Niall’s forehead and then asks him to help as he learns the song. Niall, of course, agrees, so Harry sings. He sings the song over and over until he knows all of the words by heart. He sings until his lungs are burning and his throat feels torn. He loves this song, loves this town, and he hopes he can convey all of the emotions he needs to when he sings tomorrow, this lovely gift from his friend that might help to fix things.

Niall orders room service and they veg out for a bit, watching a rom-com and talking about tomorrow. Harry tells Niall of all of his fears, and Niall reassures him over and over again that everything will be fine. _It’ll all work out how it’s supposed to_ echoing in Harry’s mind even after he’s fallen into bed later that night.

When the sun disappears and the moon has come out to play, Niall retreats to his room, telling Harry to get some sleep. “You have a long day tomorrow, Haz. You’re going to  need all the rest you can get.”

Harry nods in understanding and then pulls Niall in for a quick hug. “Thank you again, Ni. I’ll get some sleep. Promise.”

Niall smiles, nods, and then heads out the door. Harry still hasn’t turned his phone on, doesn’t want to, not until tomorrow. He lies down on his bed, thinking of the same blue eyes that are in every one of his dreams lately. Sleep takes him quickly, letting him forget his struggles and dream of a brighter tomorrow.

When Harry wakes up, he knows something is off. He looks at his phone, realizing it must have turned on while he charged it, and sees that it’s already almost eleven o’clock. _Way to go, dumbass. Turning your phone off didn’t help you to set alarms._ He starts panicking and calls Niall to have him come over. He rushes out of bed and jumps in the shower, thankful that he gave Niall his own key so he doesn’t have to worry about waiting to let him in. Twenty minutes later and he’s still in the shower, trying to let his nerves wash down the drain. He knows it’s not going to  help, but if he lies to himself hard enough maybe he’ll start to believe that everything will be okay.

When he begrudgingly gets out of the shower ten minutes later, he walks into his room and almost has a heart attack because his whole hair and makeup team, along with Niall, are staring at him. “Uh, hey?”

Everyone kind of gapes at him and they all start yelling at him about his hair at once. “Hey! Can everyone please chill? It’s just hair, it’ll grow back. Now, if you would all please get out of my room so I could put on some clothes? That’d be great.” He doesn’t mean to snap at them, he would just like a little privacy, and today is already shaping up to be...a lot.

After he throws on socks, sweats, and his favorite, worn Rolling Stones t-shirt, he emerges into the living room and smiles sheepishly at his wonderful team. “Sorry for yelling like that, I’m just… really nervous. Yes, I cut my hair. I figured it was time for a change.”

Niall snickers at him but Harry lets it go. He knew Niall would essentially figure out why he had cut it but he doesn’t want to talk about that, not now. Everyone else smiles at him and tells them they’re proud of him. “Thanks, family. Now! Let’s get to work. I’ve had a rough week so it’s going to  take a little bit of TLC to get me looking my best!” Everyone laughs and Harry feels some of his worry fall away. _Maybe this won’t be so bad,_ he thinks. _I’ve got quite the amazing team._

They get to work on styling his hair, painting his nails black, and touching up his face with a little bit of makeup. He wants to be himself today, wants to feel like he’s that same kid who left this town seven years ago with a dream and a chance. He decides to ditch the suit, telling Niall and his stylist that it feels like too much. He doesn’t want to show off, just wants to be himself, maybe wants to make a little bit of a statement, and even though they might be a bit upset about letting the suit go, they agree, tell him they’re proud of him, and then panic because they don’t know what they’re going to  do about his clothes. He smiles at them, tells them not to worry and to give him an hour and he’ll meet them at the park. They make him promise that he’s not going to bail, assuring them that he will be there in no later than an hour. He runs into his room, throws the clothes he needs into his bag and then tells everyone he has to go. Niall gives him his keys and tells him that if he does anything to his car he’ll kill him and Harry laughs before thanking his best friend, promising to him one last time that he’d absolutely be there.

He drives to his mom’s house, hoping what he’s looking for will still be there. His family is leaving as soon as he gets there and he hurries out a _“No time to explain, I’ll see you at the show!”_ before running inside and into his old bedroom. He goes straight for his closet and after a few minutes of searching he finds what he’s looking for. Louis’ favorite white shirt. When they were dating, Louis always used to steal Harry’s clothes. For whatever reason, this see-through white shirt was always Louis’ favorite. It’s _perfect._ He quickly gets changed, throwing on his light blue skinny jeans, the white shirt, and his old Chelsea boots. He looks in the mirror, deems himself good to go, and then heads back to the car. He texts Niall to tell him he’s on his way and heads to the park.

When he arrives, he can’t believe what he sees. The whole place is packed, there’s not an open seat available. There are people everywhere. It looks like the whole town has showed up and he can’t say he’s not nervous as fuck, hoping the one person he needs to see will be here.

He parks the car and hurries backstage, avoiding as many people as he can in such a crowded space. He finds Niall and before he can say anything, Niall’s eyes light up and he smiles his biggest grin at Harry. “You absolute fucking sap! I love it!” He’s laughing, loud and bright, and Harry knows he’s made a good choice with his outfit. He grins back at his best friend, silently thanking him for his words.

Niall rushes him around and gets him all set up, and before Harry knows it, it’s ten minutes until he’s on. He might be freaking out, just a little bit. “Niall, I can’t do this. What if I mess up? What if I make a fool of myself?” He can feel the panic rising in his chest as he struggles to stay calm and keep breathing.

Niall is immediately wrapping his arms around Harry. “Haz, listen to me.” He pulls away to make sure Harry looks him directly in the eye. “You can do this. I know you can. Don’t worry about what may or may not happen, not now. Just go out there, sing your fucking heart out, _literally,_ show this school board what you’re made of, okay? Make it count.”

Harry smiles, finally calming down. _Niall always knows what to say._ “Okay, I can do this.” _Deep breaths, Harry._ “Thanks, Niall. For everything.” He hugs Niall again, ready to get this over with. The worst part, the most nerve wracking, is always the first few steps onto the stage.   _It’s now or never._

Niall hugs him, pats him on the back, and wishes him good luck. Harry smiles. He’s ready. Getting his in-ears, he gives Niall a thumbs-up, signaling everything is good-to-go. Niall talks into his headset and gives Harry a thumbs-up right back and a “Go get ‘em, Haz!”

He hears the principal on stage giving a small speech, and before he knows it, his name is being called and the crowd erupts into raucous applause. _Here we go._ He takes a deep breath as the curtains open. He’s amazed, no matter how many times he does this, no matter how big or small the crowd, he always feels the same. _Blessed._

“Hello, Westlake! It’s good to see you all!” He pauses while the crowd cheers. “I’m Harry Styles, and if you didn’t know, I grew up in this very town. Westlake holds a big part of my heart. I’ll never forget where I came from and what got me to where I am today. I want to thank everyone for coming, for donating to the cause, for fighting to keep the arts programs alive and well at Westlake High School.” He smiles at everyone, makes sure to walk around all parts of the stage and connect with everyone in the audience. “Let’s get this shindig started shall we?! This is _Ever Since New York!”_

The crowd goes mad. They all sing along with him, knowing every word. This never gets old. He can’t believe that he has such wonderful fans. He loves to hear them sing his songs back to him, loves watching them dance to his own words. He feels so _alive._

After the song ends, the crowd again bursts into cheer. He laughs a little and thanks them for their reactions. “I’m a bit of a narcissist so I love when you guys praise me!” He gives a silly smile, knows his fans know that he’s just messing with them. “I’m only able to perform five songs for you guys today. This next one is really important to me, and I hope you will all sing along. This is _Sign of the Times._ ”

As soon as Harry starts singing, tiny rainbow flags begin to stand out above the crowd. He feels tears well in the back of his eyes but he knows he needs to let them remain there. He doesn’t want to cry on stage, not yet anyways, if he can help it. He smiles brightly while he sings, shocked every single time by all of the support he’s received since his coming out. He loves his fans so much.

By the end of the song he needs some water, so he tells the crowd to keep singing and takes a break to grab his bottle on the side of the stage. They sound amazing. Instead of speaking this time, he goes right into _Kiwi_ as soon as _Sign of the Times_ ends. This is his favorite song to sing on stage, and he knows his fans love it, too. He rocks through the whole thing, dancing out of order and not having a care about how he looks. He _loves_ this. He looks out into the sea of people and spots Zayn and Liam along with a few other people he thinks he might recognize from high school. He shimmies in their direction and sees them all laugh. He’s so glad they’re here. He sees his family, all of them dancing around and seeming to be enjoying themselves. _Perfect._ He’s so happy. The crowd goes crazy when he grabs his water bottle and does his signature waterspout at the end of the song. He throws the empty bottle into the crowd and asks them, a moment later, to please quiet down, making his smile as soft as possible.

“This next song is one that took me awhile to decide to put it on the album. Everyone faces hard times, heartbreak, that ache that feels as if it’ll never go away. I wrote this song at a really sad point in my life. I wrote this song for someone special, and I hope he knows who he is. This is _Two Ghosts.”_ The crowd cheers loudly and Harry tries to calm down, knowing that Louis might be in the crowd this very moment, listening.

_“Same lips red, same eyes blue_

_Same white shirt, couple more tattoos_

_It’s not you, and it’s not me_

_Tastes so sweet, looks so real_

_Sounds like something that I used to feel_

_But I can’t touch what I see_

_We’re not who we used to be…”_

He sings his heart out. Everytime he sings this song, he hopes that Louis has heard it, that he knows it’s about them. He hopes if he’s heard the lyrics, he can feel what Harry felt when writing this song about the years they were together, about what went wrong. The tears are shining in his eyes by now, he can’t help it. He puts so much emotion into this song, hoping that Louis understands, hoping he’s in the crowd, praying for a moment's glance.

When the song is over, he wipes at his eyes and notices the crowd wiping at theirs, as well. He takes a deep breath. _Whew, one more to go, you can do this._

“Thank you, everyone, for coming today. I’m sorry that it’s a short show, but I just didn’t have the time to plan for anything bigger. I really hope we have all gotten our point across. If the powers that be are out there and listening, can’t you see how important this is to them? Music, Art, Drama, all of it! These are the foundations of our kids’ creativity. If you work hard and take advantage of what’s in front of you, you can do anything. I came from this town. I came from the music classes at this very high school. Please, let them keep the arts programs. These kids deserve it.” He spreads his arms to showcase the thousands of young people here in support of this. “Don’t take this gift away from them.”

He introduces his band to everyone and then announces his last song. “I’m going to  be singing one more song for you all. It’s a song you haven’t heard before. My best friend wrote this song and I don’t know how I can ever repay him for all he’s done for me.” He smiles at the crowd and signals backstage. “I’d love it if we could give a big round of applause for Mr. Niall Horan! He’s the best friend and manager I could ever ask for. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for him.” The crowd chants for Niall and Harry can hear his embarrassed cackles above the noise.

He shushes the crowd for his last song. “Alright, alright. It’s time for our last song. If you would please embrace each other, hug the person next to you, let them know you’re there. This is _This Town.”_ He takes a deep breath and tries to calm his heart rate. He closes his eyes, steadying himself as the opening notes of the song begin to play. When he finally opens them and looks up, his eyes find what they’ve been searching for since he came to stand up here on this foreign stage. Louis stands before him, and he looks...he looks _happy._ Relief floods through him. _He came!_ Louis gives him a thumbs up and a small smile, and Harry begins to sing.

_“Waking up to kiss you and nobody's there_

_The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air_

_It's hard_

_Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running round_

_It's funny how things never change in this old town_

_So far from the stars_

_And I want to tell you everything_

_The words I never got to say the first time around…”_

Harry is tearing up already, just hoping his voice won’t crack. He moves around the stage, doing everything in his power not to look in Louis’ direction. The crowd seems to be enjoying the song, everyone swaying together in unison. He spots his mom and sister, their eyes shining with unshed tears. His heart fills with joy when he sees his sister leaning on her boyfriend. _She looks happy._ Liam and Zayn are wrapped up in one another, gazing at Harry with soft smiles on their faces.

_“You still make me nervous when you walk in the room_

_Them butterflies, they come alive, when I'm next to you_

_Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_And I know that it's wrong_

_That I can't move on_

_But there's something about you…”_

He finally finds the courage to find Louis’ eyes in the crowd. He sees the tears shining on his cheeks, glistening in the light. He hopes he’s conveying everything he needs to say with these beautiful words stripped from his own heart by someone else, someone who could see things more clearly. He wipes at his eyes and continues singing.

_“If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you_

_Drive highways and byways to be there with you_

_Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_You still make me nervous when you walk in the room_

_Them butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you”_

He continues to look at Louis, his voice finally cracking. His throat feels tight, his chest is heaving. He stops singing and is surprised to hear the crowd carry the last few lines.

_“Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_Everything comes back to you.”_

He looks out, pride swelling in his chest for his best friend and his amazing fans. When he looks back toward Louis, he realizes that he’s not there. Harry needs to get to him. The crowd is screaming his name, clapping for him, and he takes off to the side of the stage letting the noise of the people drown out behind him. He doesn’t know what he will do if he can’t find Louis. He’s worried that he’s messed this up even more, needs to get to him as soon as possible.

He runs around barriers and through little gatherings of the backstage crew, and as soon as he rounds the corner to exit the area he sees that Louis is already standing there, seemingly out of breath, and he would have had to run to get there so fast. Harry’s heart feels like it’s going to  explode.

He stops in front of Louis, wanting to touch him but not sure what this means. Louis gives him a soft smile and says, “Hey, rockstar. I guess even after all these years I’m still your muse, huh?” He touches Harry’s hand, links their fingers together, sweaty and shaking.

And Harry laughs, loud and bright. Louis’ doing the same, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and Harry loves him so much. “I love you, Louis. I want you to be my muse for as long as you’ll have me.”

Louis catches Harry off-guard and jumps into his arms. Harry gets a good grip on him just as Louis softly takes his face into his hands and presses the most breathtaking kiss to his mouth. They’re both smiling too hard for it to be more than a light touch of teeth and lips but it’s still the best kiss he’s ever had. As if they’re in a fucking fairytale or something, the fireworks start going off as soon as their lips lock together. Louis pulls away and smiles at him, grabbing one of his freshly cut curls and says, “I love you too, curly.”

There’s still so much they need to discuss, so much that has been left unsaid, but right now he’s not going to  worry about that. He’s going to continue kissing this beautiful boy underneath the fireworks, each swipe of their tongues and press of their lips a promise of a brighter tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

One Year Later

Louis wakes up to the sun shining in his eyes, and a goofy rockstar plastered to his back. He’s so happy. He thinks of all the exciting things that have happened within the past year. He’s missed Harry, a lot. And he never thought this would be where he would end up. Laying next to the love of his life, who finally told the story of their love, right before he sang the song that brought them back together a year ago.

He thinks of Madison Square Garden, of the almost 30,000 people that sang along with Harry, tears running down their faces as they learned of his past, and his future.

He thinks of what is coming for him this week. How big of a deal it is that he’s starting at fucking _Juilliard._ This is another one of those things that he thinks back on and can’t believe it’s actually happening. He gets to work with some of the greatest artists and teachers of his time. Hell, he will hopefully be considered one of them. He knows, realistically, that he’s worked his ass off, but it’s still a shock that he’s able to do this. After Harry told everyone of their relationship last week, a lot of nasty news articles were written about him. Things like ‘ _Who is Louis Tomlinson?’ ‘Harry Styles’ Boy Toy’_ and ‘ _Louis Tomlinson Using Harry Styles for Acceptance into Juilliard Professionals,’_ all consisting of different ways to twist Louis into being a golddigger, but he knows, and Harry knows, that this is not what it’s about. Sure, he has ties to one of the greatest performers of their generation, but that doesn’t mean anything, Louis’ worked hard, and he’s going to   ignore the articles and enjoy the life that has been dealt to him.

Slowly rolling over in Harry’s arms as to not wake him, Louis decides for the millionth time that he’s never letting this boy go again. He’s… everything. He is the sun, making Louis’ world brighter every day. He is the moon, so beautiful, keeping Louis balanced. Harry is Louis’ world, his rock, and he’s so grateful to fate for bringing them back together.

Snuggling up to Harry’s chest, he can smell their musky scents mixed together. After the events of last night, Harry has a sheen layer of sweat and come dried on his skin. Louis needs to wake him up, wants to shower together, make breakfast together, enjoy the day together. He really doesn’t care what happens, as long as Harry is next to him.

As Louis is trailing kisses along Harry’s chest, Harry’s eyes flutter open and he offers Louis his big, dumb, goofy smile. The same smile that Louis falls in love with all over again every day, the very smile that still gives him butterflies when he comes into the room.

Louis realizes he’s staring, so in love with the boy in front of him, and can’t help but smile back, his biggest grin that he knows makes his eyes crinkle. He kisses Harry on the nose and slides out of his arms, only to place himself right on Harry’s lap.

Harry giggles and says in his rough morning voice, “Good morning, baby. Why are you looking at me like that?”

Louis kisses him, can’t stop kissing him, not when he looks like a god and his voice sounds like dark velvet. He kisses his face, his cheeks, his eyes. Wants to convey how much he loves this man, has always loved this man, and will continue to love this man, for as long as he’ll have him.

After lazily kissing for awhile, Harry flips them over, plants a kiss right back on Louis’ nose and says, “Baby honey, why were you looking at me that way? The same way you’re looking at me now?”

And Louis continues to smile, runs a soft hand down Harry’s even softer cheek and says, “Don’t you know, darling? I love you. I’m lucky to have you. So grateful for you. I was thinking about my life, our life together, and I came to a brilliant conclusion. Would you like to know what it is?”

Harry smiles, knowing where this is going, dimples coming out in full force. “What’s that, baby?”

Louis bats his eyelashes and tells Harry very honestly, “Everything comes back to you.”

**Author's Note:**

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> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! I'd love to hear your feedback. This collection is filled with incredible authors, please show them some love! 
> 
> If you want to find me on Tumblr, you can do that [here](https://harrystanslouis.tumblr.com). And if you'd like to share the fic post, you can find that [here](http://harrystanslouis.tumblr.com/post/173515430806/your-shadow-running-round-by-harrystanslouis-25k)! 
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